


The Girl From Across the Sea

by dianthuspetals



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Betrayal, Espionage, F/M, Marley (Shingeki no Kyojin), Military, Pre-Canon, Romance, Slow Burn, Spies & Secret Agents, Treachery, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26879338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dianthuspetals/pseuds/dianthuspetals
Summary: 844 - Astrid has been given a mission by her country, to infiltrate the enemy side, gathering as much information as she can which may aid them in their coming assault. As a maid in a Mitras hotel all seems to be running smoothly, that is until she meets a certain soldier who leaves her with questions burning to be answered.She must choose between what is more important. The mission or her curiosity?
Relationships: Erwin Smith/Original Character(s), Erwin Smith/Original Female Character(s), Erwin Smith/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

_Mitras – 844_

_Astrid_

_If you should stray too far from home_

_To the lands where giants roam_

_You will dwell with men of sin_

_Those devils in their human skin_

The knock came earlier each morning. Six was the allocated hour, yet at times she swore it arrived at ten to, or even as early as half past five. It was nothing she had a right to be offended about, save perhaps the sudden cease to her slumber. To be a maid was to wake in the early hours of the morning, to silently drift through the corridors of the hotel ensuring that there were no specks of dust upon the furnishings or the décor. In an almost ghostly fashion she was expected to make the place as presentable as could be before the guests ventured downstairs for their breakfast or the food trolleys cluttered the floors to deliver meals to the rooms.

She had been working at _The Palace_ for around six months now. As a green seventeen-year-old she had made her way from her home, to an alien city she perhaps never would have visited save for the prospect of employment. Two weeks prior she had turned eighteen, the age of maturity, and the occasion had passed without fanfare. For the first time in her life there were no birthday wishes from those closest to her. No presents or cake or even an outing to celebrate the day. Instead she had reached her eighteenth year with nothing more than a sore body, a wake-up knock prior to dawn, and her typical silent passage through the large building.

She rose from bed, her sandy waves tumbling in an unruly fashion half-way down her back. Astrid stumbled slightly as she paced towards the vanity, a luxury she supposed as this really was nothing more than a servant’s room. Unlike many other places in the city, the servants at _The Palace_ all had their own rooms. They were snug, almost cubby-like, yet promised privacy and security, something Astrid had every reason to cherish. Her room key was kept upon a string dangling from the belt of her uniform and she tucked the small brass object into the pocket of her apron. She would have sewn it into her skirts for additional security and she felt quite prepared to loosen it from the bindings each night, though she was aware that there were numerous master keys, one of which kept in the possession of Mrs Fischer, the housekeeper. Total security was out of her control, yet Astrid had made her room as secure as could be and she felt that it suited her quite adequately.

Situated in the corner of the room was a basin, filled the previous evening with water for a quick wash. The liquid was cooler than she would have liked, though it served its purpose in not only cleaning her, but also springing her body and senses to life so early in the morning.

She dressed quickly and in the modest servant grab the hotel had provided her. A black dress, grouped with a white apron with a pair of neat black shoes. Her hair was tucked beneath a white cap and she had been instructed to ensure that no tendrils fall lose to frame her face. Had it not been for the signet of the three-gabled _Palace_ upon her apron, she would have resembled all the other serving girls in the city.

After brushing her teeth and checking herself over in the mirror, she ventured out into the corridor only to be met be the stern countenance of Mrs Fischer.

“Astrid,” she began, offering no greeting. “I need you on breakfast duty to the rooms today. There’s a large party expected in the dining rooms today. The waiters will otherwise be occupied.”

“Yes, Mrs Fischer.” It had become her most uttered phrase, for it would be most unwise to cross the housekeeper, especially when she was in possession of the master key.

Without delay, Astrid made her way down the winding backstairs leading towards the kitchens. From the windows dotted along the narrow passage she caught sight of the city beyond, built of stone as a clear demonstration of its prosperity. With a smirk, Astrid thought of the rats, the hidden poor, the destitution that apparently lay beneath her feet in a sprawling underground polis. However much the wealthy pretended, they could not always escape or obscure all their problems.

She entered the kitchen and awaited the orders of the chef and his staff. The scent of a wide array of foods was salivating. It would be some time before she was permitted a few minutes to feast upon a bowl of porridge, though at times she appreciated the daily monotony. If she was to indulge in anything finer for breakfast, such as the large, meaty sausages, bacon, and eggs cooked in a wide array of preferences, the blandness of the porridge would only appear starker. There would be a time when she would be able to eat whatever she pleased, she told herself, though for the time being she had to make do with what was sensible and practical.

“Second floor, room sixteen,” one of the kitchen assistants announced as he handed her the tray. As with any guest the plates were covered by silver domes. The meals beneath were clearly hot and even obscured still omitted the promise of a good, hearty breakfast. The tray was also topped with a teapot, steaming from the boiled water within. Tea leaves rested already in the two cups, waiting to be filled and enjoyed by whichever lucky soul had ordered two full breakfasts.

Over the time she had spent at the hotel, Astrid had become accustomed to carrying trays up and down the curling staircase. It was heavy, certainly, but she knew that if she showed a hint of weakness or sign that she may have been unable to conduct her work she would have been liable for dismissal. There were plenty of other young women out there who could take her place.

She found the room with ease and after carefully balancing the tray against her hip, rapped her knuckles against the door.

There was a little shuffling behind the door before it swung upon a few seconds later. The man who greeted her was tall and wore his dark blonde hair obscuring the majority of his forehead in a slightly shaggy fringe.

“Morning,” he greeted her in a low voice and Astrid watched as his nostrils twitched, presumably inhaling the hot food. “Let me take that from you.”

Astrid swallowed a lump in her throat, finding the display of courtesy to be rather unexpected by the guest. Usually they would allow her inside to place the food upon the table, laying the meal out as though she was waiting on them like those in the dining rooms.

“They said I’m meant to bring the tray inside myself, Sir,” she stated. “They don’t want the guests doing a job that belongs to us.”

The man kept his cool expression, before he turned to look over his shoulder. As he shifted she took sight of another man, blonder than the one before her, sat at the writing desk.

“It’s fine Mike, let her in,” came the steady voice.

Mike nodded and stepped aside, allowing her passage within. The room appeared lived-in. The two men had made the place their home for however long they were staying. A map was spread across the desk alongside a quill and inkwell. A cape was draped across the back of one of the dining chairs, while another was spread across one of the two beds in the suite.

The Wings of Freedom stared plainly back at her.

For a moment she wondered if they had come for her. They had traced her to here for all she had done. Anxiety washed over her, threatening to spike and lead her to babble an explanation. Who she was… why she was here…

And yet, was she really thinking rationally? Plenty of soldiers came to stay in the hotel. It was a favourite among the higher-ranking officers and the Military Police. Was it really that unusual to have two men from the Survey Corps visit?

Her musings were suddenly interrupted at the sight of a navy book upon the dining table. The condition was slightly used, yet the owner appeared to be in favour of bookmakers rather than dog-earing the pages, much to her relief.

“Sorry, I should have moved that for you,” the second man spoke as he cleared the room in a few long strides.

Astrid merely smiled as she took in his appearance. Tall, though perhaps a couple of inches shorter than Mike, with golden hair neatly parted across to one side. His eyes were a pale cerulean and shone with confidence. Defined brows framed a chiselled face and there was no doubt that he was incredibly handsome.

Feeling herself on the verge of becoming flustered, Astrid settled the tray upon the table and stood back, awaiting any further instruction either man may have had.

“Thank you,” the man said as his lips curled into a slight smile.

“Thanks,” echoed Mike.

“You’re wel-“ Astrid began, though her eyes were fixed upon the book. She knew it was unprofessional to take an interest in a guest’s belongings, but with the state of the world considered, there was no reason why the man should be in possession of the text. It was prohibited, or rather, should not have even existed.

Yet here he was, standing it in his grasp, though soon he had hidden it away, face down upon the writing desk.

“You’re welcome, Sirs,” she stated, forcing herself to speak with greater clarity.

Any hope of the words being convincing dissipated when the man cocked a thick brow. “Are you well, Miss?”

Astrid blinked at the sudden courtesy. “Quite well, Sir,” she lied. “Thank you for asking.”

The man chuckled and nodded towards the book. “I’m sorry I left it in the way. For those of us with an affinity for books we tend to carry them everywhere. Even if it means leaving them in the most awkward of places.”

She shook her head. “It’s fine. I know the feeling.”

His smile broadened. “Finally, an understanding soul.”

“I try not to leave my books around when I’m on my breaks, though it’s difficult when instructions are ready to be sprung on you at any second,” Astrid said, finding a grin was toying with her own lips.

“Being a soldier sounds very similar. I hardly get any time for reading these days.”

“Erwin,” the voice came from behind her and the man glanced to Mike. The larger man had already devoured his sausage and was making his way through a rasher of bacon. “You going to eat this?”

“Apologies Mike, I grew distracted.”

Erwin. That was the man’s name who was in possession of the forbidden text. It suited him, Astrid thought, for her first impressions suggested that he was hardly conventional.

“It’s hard not to when I can discuss books. I daresay you have much opportunity to, Miss? There don’t seem to be too many of our sort around.”

Astrid shook her head. “I don’t have the time usually, Sir, even if I had someone to talk books with.”

Another chuckle came from Erwin. “You don’t enjoy your work?”

Astrid sighed and shrugged her shoulders. In truth, no, she did not. She was paid less than she believed she ought to be, but she was sure that all other working people thought the same. The hours were long, she had not seen her loved ones in months, she had one day off every fortnight. Though she supposed it was far better than any alternative employment prospects.

“Each man delights in the work that suits him best,” she said, mimicking the words of the navy tome.

Erwin blinked, his mouth falling slightly agape in an expression of what Astrid assumed was disbelief. After a few seconds he cleared his throat and straightened the cuff of his shirt before nodding. “I wonder how many people would agree with that mentality.”

Astrid sighed and offered a minute smile. “Not many, I’d say, Sir.”

“Erwin, food,” Mike repeated.

Erwin glanced back at his friend in a somewhat regretful fashion. Astrid noted that there was no resentment in being interrupted. Instead the man appeared to be torn between their conversation and the business, that being his meal.

“I’m sorry we have to cut this conversation short,” Erwin said, his tone full of courtesy and what Astrid assumed to be genuine regret. “Truly, I am. I have business to attend to in a few hours. If I was to take the time to discuss books with you any longer I’m afraid I’d get nothing done at all today.”

“He can talk for hours once you get him stated,” Mike interjected, a small smirk playing on his lips.

“Why the young lady- my apologies, I never thought to ask your name,” Erwin said.

“Astrid. Astrid Becker, Sir.”

“Please, call me Erwin.”

Astrid’s eyes widened. She could never dream of addressing a patron by their first name. It was always Sir or Madam. She never had much cause to speak to guests aside from a greeting, thank you or “would that be all?”.

“I would like to call you whatever you wish, Sir, but my employers…”

Erwin held up a hand and nodded. “I understand, Miss Becker.”

“Astrid, please.”

His eyes twinkled with faint amusement, though she did not think him unkind. “Astrid.”

Her name sounded delightful on his rich tongue and the pleasure she felt brought a pang of guilt. She really ought not be thinking in such a way. About a guest, about another man…

“And before I keep you no further,” Erwin stated as he reached into his back pocket. Money, a crisp note, was retrieved and offered her and she soon realise that Mike had mimicked the gesture.

Flustered, Astrid held her hands in front of her, attempting to formulate a response that may not be considered rude. “Sirs, I… I… the breakfasts come with the room…”

“I know, Miss Becker,” Erwin said softly. “This is a tip for your good service.”

“Think of it as compensation for dealing with him for the past few minutes,” Mike offered, a smile once again playing on his features as he waved a hand towards Erwin.

Erwin scoffed, finding the humour in his friend’s comment. “I’d say Miss Becker deserved twice, if not thrice as much.”

“Not at all,” Astrid was quick to add. “Truly, it’s been very refreshing. Though about the tips, I’m afraid I’m not allowed to accept. It’s company policy.”

There had been a theft incident with a former maid. Whilst cleaning rooms she had been adding change into the pocket of her apron. Nothing that could easily be missed for some of wealth, though she had not been able to save herself when a spontaneous inspection had occurred. Pockets were turned out and there was enough money for a warm stew and ale in a tavern on her person. She had insisted that it was a tip, though the hotel did not take the time for a thorough investigation. The girl was out the doors within a reference of employment immediately. This had been prior to Astrid’s employment though the other maids had been keen to tell the tale. From that moment onwards _The Palace_ enforced a no-tipping policy. Under the guise of good nature they encouraged their patrons to donate it to a suitable charity.

“We are to tell you that you are to give it to a charity,” Astrid stated. She wondered if it was a rule in place to make the staff feel less resentful about being refused a small bonus for their diligent work. “Though thank you, both Sirs.”

Realiastically, Astrid was aware that she could have used the money. She saved more than she spent. Some of the other workers would send money to family far away and put away a little here and there for a day of recreation. The hotel took some of her wages to pay for the staff meals, though she was fortunate enough that the room came within the contract of employment so she did not have to pay for accommodation. In her room was a small, metal box where she kept her wages. What she was saving for, she did not know.

Erwin nodded and he returned the money to his wallet while Mike returned to his food. “Very well, Miss Becker,” Erwin said, the gentle smile returning. “I would not want to cause you any difficulties in your work.”

Erwin moved to take his place at the table and Astrid knew that it was her time to leave.

“Will that be all, Sirs?”

“That will be all, Miss Becker.” Erwin replied. “Thank you.”

“Thanks,” Mike added soon after.

“Thank you, Sirs.”

She dipped her head and gave a small curtsey before she backed out of the room. Mike continued to be occupied with his food, though as she reached the door, Erwin lifted his hand in a silent farewell, a gesture which Astrid quickly mimicked, before she closed the door softly behind her.

The day passed without much incidence. She enjoyed her lunch on time, a leek and potato soup served with a generous hunk of bread. The afternoon was spent cleaning the rooms that were not occupied along with ensuring that the beds were properly made for the guests who had taken to the city. Astrid ate with the other servants around one of the dining tables in the servant’s hall though never partook in any of the conversation aside from greetings and farewells.

It was ten at night when she retired to her bedroom and placed a candlestick brought from the hall on the table beside her bed. Most often she forgot about interactions with guests soon after they occurred. After all, their passing conversations were hardly significant. The morning encounter with Erwin, however, had played on her mind more so than she would have liked. In the minutes she had conversed with him, she had gathered that he was a well-read man, trained in the gentlemanly art of discourse, yet there was a great element of mystery about him.

How did he manage to have a copy of Homer’s _Odyssey_ in his possession?

She browsed the bookshops of Mistras from time to time to see what people typically read here. There were authors she had never heard of scattered across the shelves and she had never come across a work by Homer, or anyone else she was familiar with for that matter.

Astrid had been told by her brother years ago to never go to bed on a lie or with a head full of unanswered questions. It would only dominate he thoughts and if she managed to secure some rest, would poison her dreams. As a child she rarely had that issue as her brother more often than not had an answer for everything.

That night her mind was full of questions burning to be answered, yet the only man who could answer them she imagined would not be appreciative or forthcoming.

_How did you get hold of that forbidden text?_

_How did you manage to get it across the sea?_

_How much does a devil like you actually know?_

And yet, was she really much better? She had lied about her name, though she knew it could be justified as a means of keeping her presence shrouded. No doubt Erwin was considering how she knew about the text, though she doubted that he would be able to determine her true identity.

As she settled between the covers that evening and blew out the candle, Astrid knew that she was due a restless night’s sleep.

With thoughts of Erwin flooding her mind, Astrid Yeager closed her eyes and attempted to get some sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_Erwin_

The past week had been incredibly vexing. From venturing to the Underground to recruit the troublemaker Levi and his companions, to the niggling feeling that the Nicholas Lovof situation would not pass as smoothly as Erwin would have hoped, to the preparation of the upcoming expedition with the new formation, Erwin had certainly been occupied. He was certain that Levi and his friends intended to kill him which presented another complication, considering the trio’s aptitude for fighting along with the sheer strength of their leader. Erwin had accepted that his death in a foul and violent manner was inevitable, however, he hardly relished the thought of departing anytime soon. For years he had pitched the idea of his long distance scouting formation and until recently his plans had been dismissed as an expensive diversion from what the Scouts had always known. It had only been a couple of months ago that funding, along with consent from his superiors finally approved the change. As the mind behind the formation, Erwin intended to be around to ensure that his comrades were fully aware of their roles and the expectations of the new formation. Dying would most likely prevent the changes from ever occurring.

All of this made his thoughts wandering to the maid, Astrid Becker, to be completely unappreciated. He tried to focus on his work, along with watching his back for any attacks that might have seem him depart this world prematurely, yet she returned to him in a more intense manner than when he had attempted to rid her from his mind.

He was never one to dismiss someone based on their standing in life, but she was far more interesting than a maid had a right to be. Erwin was always sure to thank anyone who served him, his parents had taught him well, yet he knew that servants in large establishments were neither supposed to be seen for long or heard. So why was he seeing her and hearing her so often?

It had to be because of the book. The last person who he could have freely discussed Homer’s or any work crafted by an author considered forbidden passed away two decades ago. He had been as much of a fool bringing the text with him as he was as a child allowing his tongue to run without considering the implications that this would have on his father. He counted Mike among his most trusted friends and knew that the man likely had no interest in whatever he was reading to know that it was prohibited, but bringing it to a hotel he was staying in on a work excursion, not to mention leaving it in plain sight upon the table when he was fully aware that breakfast would be arriving soon was an act of sheer stupidity.

Despite this, he knew that Astrid Becker would never report him, lest she had any desire to be subjected to imprisonment and probable torture and death. Anyone who knew about the forbidden works most likely knew of the implications of owning them. If she had any sense about her she would keep her mouth shut.

Perhaps in time he would come to forget about her, if he lived through the coming weeks. His work would dominate his life as it usually did and soon enough she would be little more than a faded memory.

The sudden knock at his door brought his thoughts to the present and he cleared his throat before stating clearly, “come in.”

By the energetic footsteps that entered his office he knew who required an audience immediately. Hange offered Erwin a wide grin before she planted herself upon the chair opposite Erwin at the other side of his desk.

“You actually knocked,” he stated in mock surprise, a faint smile toying with his lips.

Hange shrugged. “You have seen occupied recently. Aside from the new formation, that is.”

If only you knew.

It was Erwin’s turn to give a shrug of his shoulders. “You know how it is, Hange. The formation, the usually expeditionary planning, not to mention what I brought back from the Underground.”

“They really don’t like you, Erwin,” Hange said with a smirk.

Erwin gave a slow chuckle. “I doubted we would become firm friends. I hardly think I’m Levi’s favourite person and Farlan and Isabel seem to follow his lead.”

“You managed to convince them to enlist.”

He waved a dismissive hand. “It was either this or being handed to the Military Police. They’d be at the end of a rope by now if they hadn’t taken this path. I highly doubt that they’re stupid. They are aware that their actions have consequences and by joining up they have been presented with a second chance at life.”

Neither of them needed to address the fact that the chance of survival was relatively slim. They were certainly proficient in operating the gear, at least, if they would not use as much gas as they tended to expel during training sessions.

“Nonetheless, you’re very charismatic,” Hange praised. “And I suppose they will come around eventually, once the desire to kill you wanes.”

Two thick brows rose in the air and he gave a rather sarcastic chuckle. “Is it that obvious?”

“Oh yes, Levi especially shoots you the most dirty looks behind your back.”

“He does that to my face too.”

Hange laughed and shrugged. “There you have it.” She stretched in her chair and came to her feet. “Anyway, it’s dinner time. Stew, as always. Are you heading down?”

Erwin shook his head. “I’ll get something later.”

“It’ll be cold.”

“I don’t mind.”

Hange sighed and shook her head, knowing the routine far too well. “You’re not going to have anything are you?”

“I’m really quite busy,” Erwin stated.

“I’ll send Mike up.”

“Then Mike will get the same response.”

He realised that his friends were only concerned for his wellbeing but Erwin understood that when it came to the execution of this upcoming expedition everything had to run impeccably. The plan had been his brainchild for many years. He had finally secured the opportunity to carry it out and he knew that the higher uppers were just willing for him to fail. They had to be proven wrong and shown the merits of the idea.

He offered Hange a small smile, attempting to reassure her. “I have some bread, cheese and fruit in my room. It’s not warm but there’s plenty of it and I’ll enjoy it all the more once my work is done for the evening. I need this to go well Hange.”

“It will. I don’t doubt you, Erwin. Just don’t forget yourself at the same time.”

“I won’t,” he said as he watched Hange turn to leave.

The woman pivoted to shoot him a wild grin as her hand rested upon the doorhandle. “Just think, if we can pull this off, maybe someday soon we’ll be able to capture a titan!” Her chestnut eyes shone with wonder, excitement and that unwavering determination that came whenever she pondered their mysterious enemies.

Erwin scoffed. “We’ll see, Hange.”

“Later, Erwin.”

“See you later,” he replied as his comrade exited the room, closing the door with surprising softness behind her.

He supposed that his friend had a point. He had forgotten how to take care of himself as of late. Erwin was not quite at the point of forgetting to bathe, but there had been times where he had neglected to shave or to eat. He would head to bed around midnight, rising at five to scour his papers in an attempt to see fault in his preparations. Had he seen another soldier show such a blatant neglect of their person he would have been one of the first to chastise them and insist that they prioritise their personal wellbeing, but applying the same sentiment to himself came with a struggle.

He just could not allow this opportunity to go to waste. It was foolish to permit himself to get distracted over the smallest things when so much rode on the success of the mission.

The intelligent course of action would be to focus on the mission entirely, along with taking as minimal amount of time as possible to attend to his personal care. The voice of reason inside his head told him that Astrid Becker was a reminder that he ought not to be so careless in future. He should never have taken the book out with him, despite Mike being trusted company. His father would have chided him for his carelessness, had Erwin’s lack of care not seen him to his end.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and felt a surge of fury rise from his core. If he was angry at himself or at Astrid Becker, he could not say. Only he knew that he had allowed his standards and prudence to slip.

As a child, not understanding the need to tread carefully and the necessity of keeping a secret had seen his beloved father murdered. As an adult, it was perhaps even more imperative to exercise caution, especially when so many lives fell under his charge.

He should have at least warned her to never be so obvious about the knowledge of forbidden things as they stood in their strange transaction in the hotel room. Mike would keep quiet, he was certain of it. Erwin could have stressed the importance of never revealing how much she really knew. It was too late for that now.

Erwin ran a hand, stiff from holding a quill for hours, through his pale hair, ridding the strands from their neat parting. He was a foolish man who had not tied up the endings. He owed himself the security of bringing matters to a conclusion. Astrid Becker, the maid who knew too much, was also permitted that courtesy.

If he survived the expedition or was not pulled before a council of his superiors to explain the potential failure of the new formation he would seek her out. He would ask her to forget all she had seen.

He would ask her to forget all she knew about matters that remained hidden.

~~~~~

Erwin strolled through the streets of Mitras, cerulean orbs scanning the crowds as they attended the markets, gazed into shop windows either with the intention of purchasing or merely to long for what they could not afford. It was a typical scene in the capital. Sellers competed with one another to capture the consumer audience by crying out to promote their wares. Children dodged the legs of adults, weaving through in an attempt to find some amusement in the sunshine.

“It’s filthy here,” Levi commended as he strode beside him. The shorter man wore his new uniform, though had taken to wearing a white cravat around his neck as his personal flair on the attire.

“It’s the city,” Erwin replied. “They tend to be like that.”

“The merchants are conning them,” Levi continued, his steely gaze passing over a stall where a group of women gushed over a piece of emerald fabric. “It’s overpriced for what it is.”

Erwin gave a short chuckle at the man’s observation. “Like I said, it’s the city. They tend to be like that.” He eyed the smaller man with a curious glance. It had been a fortnight since the expedition and the demonstration of the formation had proved a success. They had lost soldiers, though that was to be expected on any excursion beyond the walls. Levi himself had lost his two friends that came with him from the Underground.

“You’re quite talkative today, Levi.” It was rather a pleasant change to the usual stony silence that he received from the other man. Over the past few days they had grown to at least tolerate each other. Levi did not appear to hold any hard feelings towards Erwin directly in regards to the role that he played in coercing his friends to join the Survey Corps along with him. Neither did he hold Erwin accountable for their ends. The man appeared to buy the truth that Erwin told him. It was the titans who had killed his friends.

“Passes the time,” came the curt response.

“Indeed,” Erwin agreed. “Will you be this talkative when we speak with the Commander-in-Chief? He seemed quite intrigued to hear that we had such a skilled soldier join our ranks.”

“Tch. You know I’m not here by choice.”

Another chuckle passed Erwin’s lips. “And you think that I am?”

“You seem like a kiss-ass, Blondie.”

Erwin’s brows rose in surprise. Did he really exude that eager to please, never disagreeing persona?

“I’d appreciate some examples, if you’d be so kind, Levi.”

The shorter man dodged the oncoming onslaught of children as they turned a corner, clearly enjoying a chasing game and if their appearance was anything to go by, they had also enjoyed passing through any mud that they may have passed.

“Trying to change your ways? Or will you be ‘yes Sir, no Sir’ to Zackly.”

“The correct term of address is Sir or Ma’am when you address a superior officer,” Erwin stated. It was not so much to demonstrate his respect of the orders. He would never consider referring to Commander Shadis as anything other than ‘Commander’ or ‘Sir’, but rather he felt that he had an obligation to stress the need for Levi to show respect to his superiors. It would make Levi’s integration into the military much smoother. After all, Erwin along with everyone else appeared to want to keep the man around. “But knowing that doesn’t necessarily make me a subordinate who is afraid to question. I would have been unable to introduce the Long Distance Scouting Formation if I had been reluctant to question the long-accepted protocol of the military.”

“And you’ve brought me here so I can question Zackly with you? Do you need back-up, Blondie?”

“I’ve dealt with Commander Zackly plenty of times. I’m quite aware how the man operates, Levi, but thank you for the offer. You’re not here on my orders anyway. You were summoned the same as I.”

“Perhaps they think we work well as a team.”

Erwin laughed. “It would be nice if we could reach that stage. After all, you didn’t get around to killing me.”

Levi scoffed. “Obviously not.”

“But my hand remains quite stiff from your blade.” For emphasis, Erwin rose his right hand to indicate the bandage wrapped neatly around the circumference.

“You were the one who grabbed it,” Levi reminded.

“But we’ll just tell Commander Zackly that it was a blade malfunction in the heat of battle if he asks. If he thinks you’re going to go around killing his soldiers he may have some reservations about your continued service.” Erwin came to a pause in his step as they reached Military HQ and offered a nod to Levi to convey that they had reached their destination. “He may not keep us long. He is a busy man. Then we’ll be right back to base, hopefully we’ll manage to catch the last boat out of Sina.”

“Otherwise we’ll have to stay the night,” Levi stated, sounding far from impressed.

“Precisely.”

“Know anywhere or are we sleeping in Zackly’s spare room?”

Erwin sighed, offering Levi a brief smile. The summons to the Capital had not been unexpected. He was called here from time to time as part of his work or to represent the Commander. They were currently in the preliminary stages of collecting funding for the next expedition, whenever that may be. Meetings would be held with the wealthy and influential and Erwin would likely take centre stage in preaching the merits of offering funds to the Scouts. Now Lovof was incarcerated, Erwin wagered it would be slightly easier to convince the nobles and merchants that the cause was more than beneficial.

The order had come at a convenient time. Erwin had business of his own to conduct in the city.

He only had to hope that the timing was as convenient for Astrid Becker as it was for him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Astrid_

It was a saddening reality of life. A day off work really only represented a day to replenish the energy to work again. Astrid was intent on not seeing it as such, especially as she was fully aware that she would regret not making the most of the day before she commenced her thirteen-day stretch of work once more.

She had decided to take a stroll through the city, perhaps to treat herself to something sweet from the markets. The fresh autumnal air prickled at her skin, free of any fumes from looming factories that scattered the skylines of the poorer districts, both here and in her homeland. Had she not taken the path in life she was on she may have become a factory girl, aiding whatever industry was taking workers or being a servant to the state by creating bullets and weaponry for the glory of Marley. She could hardly look down on the work, after all, what was she now if not a servant, both to the hotel management and to Marley’s government?

As part of her assignment she was tasked with observing the public countenance. At present, everyone seemed at ease. There was no sort of disorder in the market square. There were clusters of patrons around the stands, assessing wares with interest or dismissal. Merchants pedalled their wares, children laughed and screamed, couples stole kisses, the elderly rested on benches and basked in the mid-afternoon sun. Nothing really was out of the ordinary.

She passed a stand where piles of cakes and biscuits were on display. The sight of a lemon sponge caused her to salivate. It was a favourite and it had been so long since she had enjoyed the taste of lemon. She had come to learn that it was rare here, cultivated in greenhouses by the King’s gardeners. Any profit likely went to the crown and Astrid was sure that her comrades would reprimand her for a donation to the enemy. Reasoning with herself, she understood that she was making such contributions via her taxes and by giving purchasing items, essential or treats, they would likely pay money to the crown in turn. It really could not be helped.

As she stared at the sponge which was not especially large yet could be split into four decent sized slices. One for that evening, then another three for in the week before it turned hard and stale. If she was generous she would have shared it with the other maids, yet when did they ever offer any of their food to her? There was no rule or order that dictated that she was to be selfless.

“Tastes as sweet as you, Miss,” came the voice of the baker at the stall. He was a portly man, which Astrid considered reassuring as she had been told once to never trust a skinny cook or baker.

_You don’t know me,_ the voice in her head dictated.

“You caught me looking,” she replied with a hint of a smile, arms held up in the air in a state of mock surrender. “Couldn’t be helped.”

“This one has your name on it.”

The smile faltered as the words transported her to another place, another time.

~~~~~

_The gramophone played a new record, a song about sweethearts and apple trees. It was a typical purchase for Ludovic, who enjoyed cheery things. They lay upon the floor, feet pointing in polar opposite directions, yet their bodies were side by side, their heads mere inches from each other as they gazed at the ceiling._

_“How did you score in the test?” He asked._

_“Eighteen out of twenty.”_

_“Not bad.”_

_“It’s ninety percent.”_

_Ludovic shrugged. “Like I said, not bad.”_

_“Zeke would have scored one hundred percent.”_

_The young man shrugged again. “That’s Zeke for you.”_

_Astrid rolled her eyes, her hand tossing a tennis ball around a foot in the air in a repeated, steady motion. “I hate it when people compare us.”_

_He scoffed, caramel eyes turning to her with a look of amusement. “You just did that yourself.”_

_“Yes and that’s why it bothers me so much!”_

_They were soon laughing together as the record came to a close. Ludovic rose to sit up, intending to either change the record or play it once more. Her arm fell upon his and she signed, ceasing to throw the ball. “Leave it off.”_

_“Don’t you like it?”_

_“I do, just leave it off.”_

_“Suit yourself,” he said as he settled back, arms crossing behind his head. He had recently cut short his once shoulder-length locks on account of the more relaxed, near Bohemian style being too inappropriate for their intended path. Ludovic had suggested that Astrid do the same, though she hardly fancied herself with cropped hair, despite the hygiene benefits that it would pose._

_“You don’t freeze in fear when I mention my brother anymore, you know, Ludo,” she said as she came to sit up. Sandy tendrils tumbled around her heart-shaped face as her stormy gaze met his own._

_He shrugged. “He knows that we’re the dream team now, Astrid.”_

_“Don’t call us that, it’s a terrible name,” she laughed._

_“What should we call each other then?”_

_“Ludo and Astrid? Henman and Yeager?”_

_“It’ll be Deichmann and Becker when we’re over there, but that’s not what I mean. If we’re defining each other individually, I think it’s best if we start to define each other together. You get me?”_

_She saw that the man had grown suddenly serious, a rare occurrence for Ludovic Henman. Too many times she had skirted around the topic of each other. They had been seeing one another for some time now to the extent that she had joked that they were like the warriors of Antiquity who took their comrades as lovers so they would show more loyalty when fighting, only she had never actually used the term ‘lovers’._

_“Why now of all times? We’ve got two months before we head off. Why didn’t we have this conversation weeks ago, months ago?”_

_“You’re nervous, I get it.”_

_She shook her head quickly and was grateful to see that Ludo was grinning again. It was peculiar for her to see the man serious, unnerving even. “Not nervous, just this may complicate things for when we go. To put a specific label on what we have may just cause us to lose sight of our mission.”_

_He held up his hand for a moment, as if to stop her from spurring forward into needless explanation. “I get it, girlie. We’re good.” With the same hand he reached for her arm, beckoning her closer to him and pulling her down so her head was resting upon his chest. She accepted the position with gladness, pleased to be in a position of warmth and affection with Ludo. “When we’re off on our adventure will you let me hold you like this?”_

_Astrid sighed, burrowing her face into the crook of his neck. “Maybe.”_

_Her head bounced as he exuded a sudden laugh. “Well, at the very least will you let me kiss you now?”_

_She inclined her head and rested her chin against his chest. “What? Right now?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“At this very moment?” Her voice was laden with mock surprise._

_“Yes. Come on,” he patted his lower lip with his index finger. “This one’s got your name on it.”_

~~~~~

It was a peculiar thing, how the mind worked. The man before her offered no outwardly recognizable characteristics and no similarities could be drawn between him and Ludovic on the exterior. It was the words that had brought her back to the attic room in Liberio, coupled with the fact that her companion had been playing on her mind as of late. It had been weeks since she had heard from him, though that was nothing unusual as Ludovic was terrible with personal communications. He was hardly the type to sit down and pen a sentimental letter. He was working with the Garrison, though where he was currently stationed she did not know. Astrid did not doubt that he would contact her in time, after all, she was hardly going anywhere.

She blinked in an attempt to bring her to the present and offered the vendor a smile. “I don’t know, I’m watching my figure.”

The man barked a laugh and shook his head. “Life’s too short for such thoughts, dear.”

She supposed that it was. After all, she did crave the lemon cake. With a resigned sigh, Astrid nodded and reached for her purse. “Alright, but just the one please.”

As the man reached for the brown paper to wrap the cake in and Astrid fumbled with the coins for payment, a sudden shadow was cast over the stand.

“I’ll get this for the lady, please,” came a deep voice. She had not heard much of it, though it was familiar enough to pique the interest she had attempted to mull over the previous weeks.

She glanced up at the figure and was met with a courteous smile spread across a handsome, chiselled visage. Cerulean eyes met her own, casting a look at her that suggested that he was not going to accept any form of protest regarding the payment of the cake.

As the goods and money were exchanged, Astrid wondered how she could possibly converse with Erwin Smith again. There was plenty that she wanted to ask of him, yet it was hardly appropriate in such a public venue, not to mention she may incriminate herself with her enquiries.

Erwin handed her the cake and she placed it into her satchel, before she offered a quiet. “Thank you.”

“I did try to tip you,” he stated as an explanation and Astrid hinted a sense of sheepishness about him.

Only upon the reminder did she recall the tipping situation. Everything else about the exchange had pushed the matter from memory. “How did you know I was here?”

“I just-”

“- _Tch_ ,” came the sudden interruption and Astrid realised that they were not alone. A stern man, short in stature yet who carried an air of intimidation about him stood glaring at Erwin. He offered Astrid a brief glance of disinterest before he focussed his gaze back on his comrade. “I thought you said that you wanted to catch the next boat out of here.”

“I do. I _did_ ,” Erwin stated quickly.

“Doesn’t look like it to me.”

Erwin sighed and offered Astrid an apologetic smile for the other man’s brusqueness. “I shan’t be a moment. If you don’t mind waiting for just a second?”

Astrid nodded, attempting to remain calm yet a wave of anxiety threatened to wash over her. Her heart thudded in her chest at a concerningly alarming rate. Had she not been clutching at the strap of her satchel already she was certain that her hands would be shaking uncontrollably.

Was he here to question her? Had he found her out? If she started to run now, how far would she get before he caught up with her?

“Levi, how about you head to the boat already? I have some errands that I would like to run whilst I’m here. If anyone asks where I am, please tell them that I will return soon.”

Levi cocked a slim brow and Astrid understood exactly how Erwin’s explanation may have sounded to the other man. Completely innocent in theory, yet minds could always wander.

Instead of protesting, Levi simply shrugged. “Alright.” He then turned on his heel and left without another word.

“My apologies about my comrade,” Erwin said. “He’s not particularly talkative.”

Astrid forced a smile and ensured that it remained slight, lest her mouth begin to quiver. “It’s fine.” She was quite thankful that he was not talkative. “Thanks for the cake.”

She realised that she had already said thank you, but Erwin was gentleman enough not to point it out. He merely nodded and raised his hand towards a more secluded area of the square.

“I was wondering if you might do me the honour of sitting and discussing something with me,” he began, nodding towards a bench which overlooked the straight stretch of river that ran through the city.

“You want to talk about the book?” She asked suddenly, before realising that she perhaps should not have spoken so openly in public.

Erwin appeared to take notice of her sudden panic and he shot her a small, yet reassuring smile. “Among other things.”

“Is it safe?”

Thick brows creased into a brief frown before his expression relaxed. “Would you prefer to go somewhere more private?”

“I have only my room in the hotel and if I was to bring a man there…” Astrid trailed off as she felt the sudden heat spread to her cheeks. A young maid bringing a handsome soldier to her room would certainly be a cause for gossip, along with instant dismissal.

Thankfully Erwin caught on in an instant and offered her a charming smile. “Say no more, Miss Becker. The bench then? I can assure you that I have no intention of overstepping what is appropriate.”

It was evident that he understood the risks of conversing about the book and Astrid suspected that their conversation would be very vague, shrouded in double meanings to divert the attentions of any passer-by who may have possessed a clue as to what the true meaning of their words were.

“Of course,” she consented, before Erwin led them towards the bench.

It was quiet enough, save the occasional citizen who would wander past, though no one appeared to pay them too much mind.

“I do hope that this isn’t keeping you from something important,” she began as they settled themselves.

Erwin shook his head. “I was here on business which has now concluded. I won’t be expected back at base until this evening or perhaps the morning. In any case, this is more important than if I’m late for dinner or breakfast.”

“Have you anywhere to stay?” She found that there was concern piquing her words. She hardly wanted him to be inconvenienced.

“I know of a hotel,” came his reply, coupled with a slight smirk, which Astrid quickly mirrored. There really was something charming about him.

“Perhaps it’s the same one I’m thinking of.”

“Maybe.”

Astrid watched as he ran a long finger down the stretch of his trousers. Perhaps it was a nervous gesture. Maybe he just wanted something to do with his hands.

“I hope I’m not keeping you. It’s your day off, correct?”

“Yes, but I had nothing else planned. Sometimes it’s nice to talk to people.”

“You don’t talk to anyone?”

Astrid sighed and smiled, attempting to reassure him when she sensed the concern in his tone. “I tend to keep to myself. I’m kind of a loner.” The status of being a lone wolf was natural considering the nature of her coming to the island. There was no one else from her homeland here save Ludovic, wherever he was. She had not yet formed close enough bonds with anyone at the hotel and she had no intention to do so at present.

“If you’d rather I left you be, please say. I know how precious time away from our obligations can be, Miss Becker.”

“Mr Smith, you clearly have something you want to get off your chest. The conversation will likely benefit the two of us. It’s fine,” she smiled. “And call me Astrid, please.”

“Then you must call me Erwin.”

“Alright then, Erwin.”

It seemed like a proper introduction rather than the formalised meeting that they had at her place of work. Already she felt like she was getting to know him better, though he only had half of her name correct. He could never know who she really was.

She felt a flutter in her chest as she saw the man offer a slight smile. It was a mix of pleasure, at becoming more familiar with such a pleasant man who had already hooked her with the intrigue that he offered. The sensation was also mingled with guilt, for she was lying to him and pretending to be someone she was not.

“About what you saw,” Erwin began as his gaze trailed to their surroundings. A woman walked past with an ornamental looking dog on a leech while a barge passed them slowly upon the river. Unremarkable and unthreatening. “I am sure that you are aware that what I brought with me to the hotel would have been best left at home.”

“Yes, I know.”

She saw him swallow heavily, his Adam’s apple rising as he paused, most likely considering his phrasing.

“And when I mean at home, I mean somewhere very private.”

“I don’t own a copy. Not anymore.”

He frowned. “What happened to it?”

“In my paranoia I burned it,” she lied. In truth it rested upon her bookshelf at her home across the sea, along with other works that were blacklisted in Paradis. “I don’t particularly agree with the sentiment but it seemed like the best thing to do at the time. I’m not even sure how I acquired it, only that it was always there. I can’t even remember how I knew it was prohibited.”

She did not fancy the thought of fabricating an entire family on the spot. Backstories took time to weave and she gathered that Erwin was intelligent enough to note when a lie was being conjured on the spot.

Thankfully, he did not require any further elaboration. Instead the man nodded and hummed in acknowledgement.

“So long as you are aware that this sort of thing can get you into a great deal of trouble. I was an idiot to bring it with me. Thankfully only you saw it.”

“What of your friend?”

“Mike? He has no interest in books that aren’t cookbooks. I can also trust him with my life. I can assure you, Astrid, that you can trust him with yours also.”

“Will he remember who I am?”

Erwin coughed a short laugh. “He’ll remember your scent, but that’s a little quirk of his.”

“My _scent_?”

He gave her a reassuring glance, though Astrid could still trace the amusement in his sky-blue gaze. “It’s nothing bad, I swear.”

“When you say that he’ll be able to remember my scent, I don’t know, just makes me think that I stink or something.” Hygiene was always something that she liked to keep on top of and she would always be sure to wash herself on a regular basis, especially if she caught any whiff of body odour. It was something that her employers would have informed her about if there was any hint that she smelled anything other than fresh. Regardless of this, Astrid could not help feeling slightly self-conscious.

“Not at all, not at all. You smell very pleasant.” There was a sudden stretch of silence between the two of them at the compliment, however strange it was. She could feel her own cheeks flood with heat and was surprised to see a little dusting of pink upon the bridge of Erwin’s nose.

“T-Thanks,” she stammered, before she forced her mind to revert to the important matter of their security. “So he won’t tell?”

“Not a soul,” Erwin assured her.

“I’ll try to forget about what I saw,” Astrid advised. She understood that he carried a position of responsibility within the military. This matter was evidently causing him a level of anxiety, especially as he had been so keen to discuss this further with her. It was a danger both to his career and to his personal safety.

He shook his head. “I have tried to forget about our interaction. I’ve attempted to rid thoughts of you and what you know from my mind. However much I attempt to scrub you from memory, it only makes me remember you all the more.”

Astrid sighed. “Well Erwin, at least I’m reassured that I’m not the only failure when it comes to trying to forget.”

He gave a low chuckle. “So you tried too.”

She nodded. “The effort one’s mind puts into trying to forget something only makes you keep those thoughts in your head. I’m afraid you’re stuck in my head.”

Erwin laughed again. “Poor you.”

Astrid shook her head, though was laughing along with his comment. “Believe me, it could be much worse.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should.”

Another silence stretched between them following the second compliment and Astrid realised that she wanted to know much more about this man. The book was now a secondary interest. There was evidently some form of chemistry between them. They understood each other without either of them stating so. They held a secret and yet they were really little more than strangers.

“I could stay and talk for hours,” Erwin began as he steadily came to his feet. “But I should really be getting back.”

Astrid joined in him standing and nodded. She had caught the regret in his tone and she wondered if it was trained manners or genuine. “It’s been pleasant.”

“It really has.”

“And I shan’t tell a soul, you know that Erwin?”

He nodded and offered her a smile, yet his eyes conveyed his sincerity. “I know and I’ll extend you the same promise.”

“And thanks again for the cake. I won’t eat it all at once.”

“It’s not for me to dictate how you eat it. So long as you enjoy yourself,” he commented, the smile remaining on his handsome features. “Astrid, I’m not sure if we will see each other again. My work keeps me away from Mitras and as I’m sure you can imagine, surviving is not guaranteed.” 

From the manner of his words, Astrid gathered that he seemed to imply that he would have seen her further if the circumstances were different. She was unsure if it was wise considering who she really was, yet part of her regretted that she could not grow to know the man before her better.

“I wish you the very best of luck all the same,” she stated, a smile gracing her features.

“And you, Astrid.”

With that, Erwin extended a hand for her to shake which she gladly accepted. His grip was firm and proper, as a man’s ought to be, yet it exude tenderness. They shook their hands, keeping them clasped together for perhaps a second or two longer than was necessary, before Erwin released her. He offered her a final fleeting smile as goodbye and with that, he turned on his heel and weaved his way through the market crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The three chapters already published act as a sort of prologue to the entire story. Next chapter will involve a time skip and we will enter the events of the canon story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

_Astrid_

_845_

There air carried a stench of rot, filth and squalor. It had only been three days, yet Astrid could not recall the scent of fresh air or the breeze that would drift over oneself when there was no obstruction. There must have been over one hundred people packed into the main corridor of the town hall as they queued for their morsel of bread and the meagre portion of soup that was now more water than any substantial broth.

“I don’t know how we’re going to manage it,” the woman said beside her as they worked in a row to serve as many as they could as quickly as possible. “Gods know how many are in the hall, then the side rooms, and even the offices.”

Astrid merely nodded as she pushed the knife down on the stale loaf of bread. Someone could easily chip a tooth on it if they weren’t careful but many were so hungry that she doubted it would be a concern.

The woman sighed and shook her head, appearing on the brink of panic despite their lots being far more favourable than the pitiful swathe of refugees that faced them. How patiently they stood, hands prostrate before them as they clutched bowls and cups, awaiting the ladle to skim the pot and to offer them a single meal a day.

“They need to take the bodies away,” the woman said.

Astrid hushed her and bit her tongue to stop herself from berating her from stating the obvious. “Not in front of them”

“Maybe some of them can help?”

She wanted to question why the woman was even assisting. They had been offered a small amount of coin to assist with the refugees. For Astrid it had meant the hasty handing in of her notice at _The Palace_ and leaving the one place she was guaranteed a roof over her head. Her belongings were locked away in the office upstairs where the volunteers slept and she was grateful that there was nothing incriminating lest someone decide to root through her things.

“This isn’t a conversation for now,” Astrid muttered as she handed out the portions of bread. She could sense the disappointment in the eyes of the people, mingled with a sense of gratitude that they were receiving their daily fill.

Most of them passed silently. Some uttered thanks. Sometimes they would plead for more.

“A little more please, Miss, for the children?” a woman pleaded. Clutching at her skirts were two ragged youngsters. A few days ago they may have enjoyed some level of prosperity. They might not even have been poor. Full bellies, smiling faces, a place to call home. Now they were as destitute as the rest.

“They have the same as you,” Astrid responded in a monotone. “You can give them your own if it pleases you.” It was a harsh response, yet it was the truth. To give this woman more would warrant that everyone else was to be given a larger portion. There was only so much food to go around.

“Ple-”

“I’m sorry, you’ve had my answer.” She was not curt with the woman, merely finite. It had become an easier refusal to administer after a while.

She saw the woman shuffle away out the corner of her eye before the line continued. Blank faces, their loss immeasurable.

It was a never-ending line. When one group left to settle down to eat their food another entered. The Military Police had decided to organise rotations of the assistants, finding it necessary to prevent a sense of fatigue among those helping out. It would have been an amusing thought if the situation was not so grave. Her tired face, hair piled atop her head in a messy, unrefined bun, her expression void of any emotion was supposed to be the visage of optimism.

A whistle blew from a few feet away and the police officer standing with a watch in hand cried “rotate!”

It was an almost mechanical movement. A worker approached her from behind and Astrid offered her apron without sharing any words or eye contact. Another switch of the day completed and she presumed that it was time for her lunch.

She returned to the office where she was temporarily residing to eat a serving of bread and cheese. It was more substantial than what the masses had been fed, but she was truly too hungry to attempt to feel any guilt. A bruised apple offered her a taste of sweetness, though she tucked it away amongst her belongings, reasoning that it would be a treat for the end of another exhausting day.

Having eaten, Astrid emerged from her strange sense of sanctuary, only to be handed another apron by a patrolling officer.

“Infirmary,” was all he stated and he marched off before Astrid had the opportunity to inform him that she had no medical training.

She did as she was bid, feeling the obligation to help wherever help was required. Whatever degree of assistance she was able to offer was dependent on the situation she was placed in.

The masses were weaved through and she pushed through a throng to reach the door to the infirmary. Originally she presumed it was another hall, used for town meetings, perhaps even celebrations. Now dozens lay in various injured states, with a few permitted a screen to offer them a sense of dignity.

The officer patrolling the area was a young woman who had the inexperience to appear mildly shocked at the scene before her. People of all ages law strewn on the floor covered in a thin blanket each. Some were draped cloaks or coats, a result of the shortage of supplies. A scent of sweat, excretion and the blood tainted the air, along with the odour of unwashed bodies.

“Astrid Becker,” she said in greeting as she approached the officer. “I was told to report here.”

“Yes, yes,” the woman replied and Astrid sensed that her name was hardly important. The Military Police officer gestured towards a side door off the corner of the room. “They need your help in surgery.”

“Surgery?” The word brought a sense of alarm to her, perhaps the most intense emotion that she had felt since the numbness of the reality set in.

“Amputation. He’ll die if the leg’s not cut off.”

She hardly relished the idea of assisting in a surgery, let alone an amputation. Medical care here was almost primitive comparted to the state of it in Marley from what she understood. She pondered what aspect of the butchery she would be required to take part in as she approached the room without any protest.

Astrid knocked once on the door before she allowed herself entry. She attempted not to fix her gaze on the injured man, though she was hardly given the opportunity to as she was hurriedly handed the patient’s trousers by a nurse. She moved to place the trousers with the rest of the man’s belongings. His shoes were side by side upon a chair and she grimly thought how he would only need to make use of a single shoe if he was ever fortunate enough to leave. Over the back of his chair was draped his jacket and she paused with silent concern at the sight of the duo of scarlet roses adoring the crest.

This man was a soldier, enlisted in the Garrison at that. She almost did not want to turn around, in case it was Ludo who lay upon the bed. The man grunted, his breath quickening as the situation at hand was registering in his thoughts.

“Drink this,” a male voice command. “All of it.”

At the sound of the voice she turned on her heel and was reassured to see that Ludo was not in the bed, but rather standing over the man, coaxing a tarnished hip flax against the patient’s lips.

His back was to her, though the sound of his voice was a familiar reminder that she was not alone in this foreign land. She opened her mouth to offer a greeting, or merely say anything to someone she held so close to her heart, yet was prevented from doing so by the soldier upon the bed.

“I was so stupid… _Fucking_ stupid, she won’t want me after this…”

“Nonsense,” Ludo stated and Astrid noted that he had not lost any of his positivity, even in challenging circumstances. “You’ll look even more handsome without the leg, trust me. You saved lives doing this and every girl loves a hero.”

“Bullshit,” the man whimpered. “I’ll be a cripple.”

“She’ll love you still and if she doesn’t, she’ll have me to answer to. Now drink up.”

“I love her, I really do,” the man blubbered. “Without her I…”

“Just drink!” Ludo insisted and soon enough the man was glugging down the drink. What was in the flask Astrid could not say, but she assumed it was either medicinal or strongly alcoholic. It would take the edge off what was about to occur, she hoped.

“To the bed, please,” a calm-mannered doctor ordered as he readied the instruments. She caught sight of various knives and bone saws, their purpose clear even though she had not a clue which would be used for the particular stages of the procedure.

As she followed the command she noted the state of the patient’s left leg. The calf was ulcerated, exuding a sickly-sweet stench from the blackened core of the wound. Despite her lack of medical knowledge, it was clear that this was an injury that had grown infected. It was just as the police officer had stated. Without the removal of the limb the man would die.

Her thoughts were snatched from the man and his leg as she circled the room and she prepared herself, mentally and physically to meet Ludo’s eye. As she stood beside the man and opposite her comrade she felt as though she was truly meeting him for the first time. He was dressed head to toe in military attire, though it was appearing worse for wear after the happenings of the previous week. His hair was unwashed and was beginning to take a greasy tinge and beneath his eyes were dark rings, mimicking the appearance of her own and countless others.

He offered her a smile all the same, one full of knowing and what she assumed was relief. Ludo did not appear surprised that she was here when she was supposed to be tucked away safely in the capital.

“Hello,” she mouthed, her right hand rising mere inches in greeting.

“Hi,” he whispered.

She wanted to ask a barrage of questions. Why was he here? How did it happen? Where were Reiner, Annie, Bertolt and Marcel? Was he hurt? Did anyone suspect what had happened? Did anyone suspect him? All of which could wait for later if she had the opportunity to get him alone, though for now the priority had to be the man before him.

“Pretty girl,” the man murmured, his hand rising to brush at the tendrils of hair that had escaped the bun. Under any other circumstance she may have batted the hand away, yet she knew that this man was on the brink of enduring something terribly traumatic. It was this or death, and even then, living was hardly a certainty.

She opened her mouth to speak, yet Ludo interjected. “Isn’t she just, Anton? And she’s mine too.”

Her mouth fell agape and she had to bite her tongue not to scold him there and then. Ludo knew that the reaction was to be expected and offered her a brief wink before he turned back to Anton.

“Handsome bastard,” Anton murmured as he swayed his head from side to side. It was clear whatever was in the bottle was having its desired effect, even though he remained conscious.

“Got to hold you down now, pal,” he stated grimly. Astrid expected that there would have been leather straps to secure Anton had this been a proper hospital. The man needed medicine that would knock him clean out, not have him in a state of drunkenness, babbling and conscious during the surgery. It was not her place to question the logistics or supplies that the hospital had in their possession. After all, the entire establishment was makeshift.

Thankfully, the medicine seemed to dull what was left of Anton’s senses as he drifted into a strange state of slumber. Ludo extended his arms and crouched so that his elbows were pressing into the mattress. Once secured, he pressed his arms down upon Anton’s chest, ensuring that his weight did not cause any harm to the man, though also enabled him to act as one of the two supports to hold Anton down should he be jolted from his sleep. He gave Astrid an encouraging nod and she moved to mirror his stance.

“Keep your eyes on me if you don’t want to look,” he whispered to her.

“You’re straight in front of me. Where else can I look?” She responded, managing a slight smirk despite the circumstances.

He was irritating at times and flirted perhaps a little too much yet seeing him before her reminded her that there were people out there who cared for her. She was not just the former maid turned refugee assistant who was on a mission on behalf of a nation that dominated the world. She was a sister, a granddaughter, a friend. She was her own person rather than an object that belonged to the state.

Ludo snorted and shook his head. “You haven’t changed a bit.” He looked around to the medical personal, causing Astrid to follow suit. She noted that the surgeon was reading himself and quickly averted her gaze back to Ludo. “Can I see you later?”

“When?”

“When do you finish?”

“Seven.”

“Alright. Seven or just past.”

“Where shall we meet?”

He raised his dark brows and a slight smile tugged the corners of his lips. “My place. I’ll wait for you by the town clock, outside?”

“Alright, but no funny-”

Her speech was interrupted by the sound of sawing and she felt the sudden urge to vomit. Had one just heard the sound in passing they might have considered it to be someone sawing at wood, not a man’s leg. Anton remained unconscious for a few seconds, though soon woke up, screaming in a blend of pain and panic. The sound was almost inhuman, emerging from his throat in a cycle of guttural moans and piercing shrieks.

With all her might, Astrid pushed down upon his chest and adjusted her shoulder so she was pressing further weight down upon his shoulder. She did not dare take her eyes from Ludo who was mouthing empty words of encouragement to Anton or perhaps he was speaking normally though he could not be heard over the screams?

A hand extended to her left arm, trailing down the forearm before she felt larger fingers than her own envelope her. Astrid trailed her view downwards and noted that Ludo was squeezing her hand, his thumb rubbing small circles into the back.

Their hands remained joined throughout the procedure, fingers entwined in a show of support and endurance, never pressing too hard yet firm enough to urge the other to never relinquish their grasp. They received a sign from one of the nurses, that it was time to leave and Astrid wasted no time in stepping back from the patient. Anton was sweating, mumbling to himself as his skin took a ghastly yellow hue. She turned on her heel and swiftly left the room, not even acknowledging the brief words of gratitude received from the surgeon.

Ludo emerged a few moments later, his mouth a firm line as he weaved through the passing hospital staff and makeshift cots. A hint of a smile quirked at his lips as he spotted Astrid waiting for him and he quickened his pace to approach her.

“I didn’t like how they made you do that,” he stated.

“Someone had to do it.”

“Yes but I would have rather you weren’t the one they forced into it.”

Astrid waved a dismissing hand. “It’s fine, Ludo. It really is. I’m glad I could be of some sort of help.”

They exited the hospital through a set of side doors, leading out onto a courtyard piled with an ever-depleting store of supplies. A group of Military Police personal exchanged jokes and cigarettes and Astrid grimaced, believing that now was hardly the time for such a display. If only she was an innocent bystander who this whole event was a monumental unconceivable tragedy. Perhaps then she would not feel the gnawing bite of guilt and hypocrisy for her internal chiding of the officers.

“Why did you come here?” He asked as he leant against the wall. Their corner was a quiet, secluded area when there was chaos erupting all around them.

“I wanted to help.”

“You should have stayed where it was safe.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

He sighed and offered her a look as if to suggest that she was being difficult. “I wish you had.”

“Too late now, Ludo. I guess I felt like I just _had_ to be here. Anyway, where you there when it happened?”

Ludo pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I wouldn’t be standing here if I was. I was stationed on Wall Rose and had to take part in the ferrying operation, that is, getting people from the boats and ushering them further inwards to prevent congestion.”

“Was your friend injured doing that?”

He shook his head. “No, no, he was stationed further inwards. He slipped avoiding a titan and well, it turned bad.”

“So quickly?”

He nodded. “Everything happened so quickly recently. Anyway, you’re probably wondering where the kids are?”

Her eyes widened in panic at the mention of ‘the kids’ and she wondered then if the Military Police would catch wind of their conversation. Astrid hissed at him, urging him to keep down and he rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on, there’s thousands of missing kids from this. They’re just among them.”

“Even so, we should-”

He held up his hands in a small display of mock surrender and shook his head. “Alright, alright. I guess you don’t know?”

Astrid shook her head.

“Well that makes two of us.”

Astrid knew that the one thing that they needed to all do was to re-group and attempt to think through what actions to take next as part of the operation. The four youngsters could be together or scattered across the land. There was a possibility that they may have been caught due to a loose-lipped moment, or even killed. Perhaps there was a new holder of the Female, Jaw, Armoured, or Colossal attempting to comprehend what their new power would bring.

“We need to find them,” he stated firmly. “And soon.”

“They’ll probably be frightened, hungry, cold.”

“Among other things,” Ludo added. “Anyway, enough of this for now. Where are you staying?”

“There are some offices upstairs for when this place was used for administration. There’s a few of us in a single office space. It’s cramped but at least it’s better than most others here.”

He scoffed. “You should come to stay with me.”

“In the barracks?”

“No, I rent my own place. Above a little shop. Sells candles.”

The proposal brought her some hesitation. She did not want to give him the wrong idea, yet it was a likely improvement on her living situation at present. There was a chance for a little more privacy, more room to think and they would be at greater liberty to discuss how best to find Annie, Reiner, Marcel and Bertolt. None of that could be easily achieved when she was staying so close to other people.

“Alright,” she said before offering a small smile. “Thank you.”

He shrugged. “It’ll be nice to have the company.”

“Not that sort of company, Ludo.”

He smiled, appearing rarely genuine. “You can have my bed. I change the sheets once a week so it’s quite fresh. My mother would be proud. I’ll sleep on my little couch.”

She nodded in gratitude. “I’ll get my things. No doubt they will be glad for the extra room in there. We were pretty much on top of each other. I should check the time. I shouldn’t really finish until seven.”

Ludo extended his arm and proudly brandished a silver wristwatch before her eyes. It was so close that Astrid could hardly make out the numbers upon the face so she took a step backwards and laughed softly.

“The one your dad gave you.”

“I told me never to take it off. He knows how terrible I am at timekeeping. Anyway, look at the time.”

“Five minutes, I really shouldn’t Ludo.”

He snorted and shook his head. “You’ve just helped out with an amputation. That’s major surgery. Most people need a breather after that and your breather just so happens to come right before the end of your shift. By the time you’re up those stairs and you have your things, it’ll be seven or beyond.”

She smirked and sighed. “You’re a terrible influence.”

“Oh, the worst.”

~~

Ludo led the way up the narrow flight of stairs adjoined to the side of the candle shop as he carried her belongings. There had been a mild display of progress, merely manners on Astrid’s part for she was feeling rather tired. Any assistance with her bags was definitely appreciated.

“They’re creaky so it’s perfect for hearing intruders,” Ludo said as he reached the top of the stairs and balanced Astrid’s bags on one arm as he fiddled in his breast pocket for the key. He turned and offered her a wolfish grin, bit his lower lip and raised his eyebrows. “Or spies.”

“Stop,” she groaned as she caught the meaning behind his words. They were still too close to the passing throngs of people in the streets, be they residents of the area or refugees and the helpers. Once inside they could perhaps let their guard down slightly.

Ludo opened the door, holding it for Astrid and making a grand show of being a gentleman. “Thanks,” she said as her eyes trailed across the room. The lodgings were modest, a single room with a partition curtain separating the ‘bedroom’ from the wider living space. The promised couch was pushed against the opposite wall to the bed, whilst a small dining table with two chairs formed a centrepiece to the room. A stone fireplace offered the source of warmth and a cooking location and she noted with surprise that Ludo had neatly organised all the cooking utensils and crockery upon a shelf adjacent to the hearth.

“My my Ludo, you’ve been domesticated.”

“No Astrid,” he corrected as he closed the door behind them, ensuring that the latch was properly secure before he was confidence that the door was locked. “I have domesticated myself.” He placed her items in front of a dresser before he planted himself upon the couch. “Now, it’s not much but it’s something. You can close the curtain when you’re sleeping, changing, whatever, I won’t look. There’s an outhouse down the stairs, through the little alley and through the gate. It’s shared with the place next door but they keep it clean. I do recommend you go before you go to bed, whatever’s coming out of you. Though word of warning, in the small hours of the morning the seat can get pretty cold. You ladies have to sit down for both things.”

Astrid snorted as she eased herself onto the bed. It was comfortable enough, even if it did creak in protest. It was a marked improvement on the floor that she had slept upon these past few evenings and compared to the sleeping arrangements of the refugees, this was practically luxurious.

“I know outhouse etiquette, Ludo, but thanks for your advice.”

He nodded. “Are you hungry?”

“A little, though to be truthful I don’t fancy much after the afternoon we’ve had.”

“You and me both,” he replied as he kicked off his boots. “I suppose it’s interview time now.”

“Interview time?”

He offered a gentle smile. “I want to know what you’re doing here.”

“I thought we were going to talk about the kids.” She did not fancy discussing her train of thought with Ludo as to how she found her way here. The spiral of panic when she heard the news, the hurrying from the hotel and leaving with immediate effect under the guise that her family were in the region that was attacked. The fact that she had not been sensible enough to plan her next move carefully such as securing the promise of a reference of employment when she had to consider her next avenue of making money.

“Yes but I want to talk about you.”

“Are we going to argue?”

“No, at least, I hope we’re not anyway. I just want to know how you came to be here,” he sighed. “As your friend, not as, well, one of those people with the role that we came here to do.”

“A spy?”

He nodded. “Yes. Ludo is asking this, Astrid, not Marley. So, why did you leave your hotel job? I hope you realise that it would have been much safer for you within the Interior?”

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out Ludo,” she began. She had to consider her words carefully. Her voice was tempted to rise, to rant about how things had definitely not gone to plan, but what sort of plan did they have initially? She could not tell him that she came here out of regret, out of attempting to set wrongs right in the best way that she could. Even though it was Ludo who she was speaking to, not an agent of Marley, she could not allow her guard to slip. “That sounded rude, I’m sorry.”

A silence stretched out between them for a few seconds before she shrugged her shoulders and clapped her hands together. “I thought of the four of them, I thought of you. I knew how important it was for us to see each other again. I missed you all, I suppose.”

He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I get that, I do. It’s not an answer that Marley will appreciate if ever they find out though, Astrid.”

“And how are they going to do that?” She questioned, her voice rising despite her efforts to ensure that it did not. “The six of us are all alone here. The only others that have stepped foot on our home soil are well…”

“Tall, naked, grotesquely ugly and immensely cannibalistic,” he finished for her, before his mouth fell open in instant regret. “Oh, your parents.”

Astrid tutted in disapproval, not at the remark considering the state of the titans, but at the fact that Grisha and Dina Yeager had been brought up in the first place. Two traitors by law though even greater traitors when one considered that they abandoned their two children.

“Banned topic,” she stated bluntly.

“Right.”

There was another pregnant pause and Astrid took the opportunity to remove her shoes. It would act as a silent assurance that she intended to stay. “Anyway, back to your question. I came here because I thought it’s time to regroup. What’s happened has happened. We need to plot our next moves. So far we’ve got a Garrison soldier, a refugee helper and four kids that have launched an attack which has killed thousands and could potentially kill thousands more.”

“And we’re foreigners,” Ludo added.

“Yes, though that’s a minute detail at this stage. We can just say that we’re from a place that no longer exists. It was destroyed in the attack and we’re too distraught to think about what happens next.”

Ludo chuckled. “You’re good at this.”

“It’s what countless of those poor people have been saying to us for the past few days.” It was highly dubious to rid them of their story, when truly, the refugees’ homes were non-existent anymore. All that remained was rubble, the dead and memories. Despite this guilt that foamed in the pit of her stomach, it really was the best option. Few would dare to question it.

“That’s the story for you and the kids then,” Ludo said, a settled look appearing across his face. Perhaps what they were doing did not play on his mind as it did Astrid’s. The easy-going nature clearly cancelled out any apprehension that he may have felt about the entire situation. “We just need to find them first.”

“What if they’re still somewhere within Wall Maria?” Astrid questioned. From what she understood there were recovery missions taking place, though the numbers of people that were being rescued was rapidly diminishing with each passing day.

“I think they would have found their way out by now. They managed to get here alright, clearly.”

“How can we be so sure of that?”

Ludo rolled his eyes and sighed. “Because Bertolt’s head was popping over the wall and Reiner smashed the wall to smithereens.”

“And the other two?”

He waved his hand as if to dismiss her anxieties yet the notion only caused it to heighten. “Annie and Marcel? They’ll be fine. I just know that they’re with the others. The four of them are together. Even if they weren’t and they happened to be in Titanland-”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Alright, the other side of Wall Rose then. Even if that happened the Scouts are helping out with the recovery missions. Picking titans off left, right and centre. Apparently they’ve got some sort of obsession with ‘humanity’, it’s what drives them, especially now Commander Erwin-”

“ _What_?”

Memories of their brief time together flooded her mind, seeping down to her core as she caught a choked breath in her throat. The two of them with their hidden interests, their promise to one another that they would remain silent. The knowing looks in the hotel, the conversation they had upon the bench, the lemon cake she had savoured slowly, thinking more so of the man who had gifted it as thanks rather than the delicious flavour.

She had never expected to see him again, though she always knew that there was a possibility of catching his name somewhere. He was apparently highly accomplished, respectable, and unsurprisingly very intelligent. Naturally he would do well for himself. From what she recalled of his physique he had the very look of the true and capable soldier. It did not seem unlikely that one day he would rise to the mantel of Commander.

“Huh?”

“I mean… I mean…”

Ludo’s brows knotted together in confusion. “What are you saying ‘what’ to?”

“Did I say that?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“Well?”

She had no intention of explaining what had occurred with Erwin Smith on the two occasions of their meeting. It would seem a minor happening, she supposed, yet it held much greater meaning to her, though exactly why she could not determine. Ludo would either tease her or jump to some major conclusion anyway.

“I didn’t know that there had been a chance of command.”

“Well, the old Commander just snapped. Had a breakdown, resigned instantly. Some say that Erwin was asked, others say that he was just the most natural successor. Then soon enough, our little friends make their appearance and everything happens. The Scouts will just do their expeditions outside of Wall Rose and try to re-take Maria I guess. They’re just doing basic clean up and rescue at the moment. I guarantee if they see the kids they’ll get them ushered to safety. I’m confident that they’re somewhere within Rose though.”

She tried to imagine Erwin meeting up with Bertolt, Reiner, Annie or Marcel. She recalled that he had been a gentleman, so did not doubt that he would treat them with courtesy. He was perceptive enough to realise that she was aware of the copy of the book he brought to the hotel and the implications that came with it. What was to say that he would not pick up on any discrepancies in the stories of four youngsters? Though what was to say that the youngsters would not turn on him and see him swiftly from this world?

In that moment Astrid did not know who she feared the most for, the four comrades that she counted among her friends, or the man she had met only twice a year before.


	5. Chapter 5

_Erwin_

The Commander pinched the bridge of his nose, an action fuelled by frustration and tiredness. The meetings with the higher chain of command always seemed to mimic a carousel. He planned the application for more funding, a letter was received from the Financial Department saying that they would like to meet him to discuss it in person, Erwin attended the meeting, they shut him down without minutes, though of course welcomed him to place another application in the near future. He knew that he was charismatic enough, but until he was able to display the results of the Scouts’ efforts he was unsure how much additional funding he would be able to secure, especially at a time when thousands of people were reliant on the government having lost their homes and livelihoods in the attack.

“How did it go?” Levi asked, offering Erwin a salute which the taller man acknowledged with a slight incline of his head.

“As well as before,” Erwin stated with a sigh as he sat down at his desk. “They claim that they cannot afford to spare any funding.”

“Yeah, claim,” Levi murmured.

“Mmm.”

He had held the post of Commander for two months and already he was feeling the burden of responsibility upon his shoulders. Truthfully, he imagined that the day would come where he would ascend to the top of the hierarchy without the Survey Corps, however, the circumstances in which the movement to power had occurred was not at all what he was expecting. Had he had the time, he had considered writing to Commander Shadis to ask how best to cope with the situation, yet the former Commander was hardly the best role model, despite what sort of warped perspective of respect Erwin held for the man. It would be something that he had to learn to cope with on his own.

“What are you going to do?”

Erwin leaned back in his chair. “Persist.”

“Did you tell them about the expedition last week? One of our most successful ones to date.”

“Eight fatalities,” Erwin stated grimly.

“Would have been more under Shadis. Not that it makes it any easier.” 

Erwin nodded, accepting the comment as a fact, however much he felt the loss of eight experienced soldiers. He had penned the letters days before, offering his sympathies to the grieving relatives and added his personal comments on the impact that the soldiers had upon the battle to save Humanity. What comfort would the comments of a man who had ordered them to their demise be to the parents who would never again see their daughter’s smile, the wife who would feel the embrace of her husband’s smile, the child not yet born who would never know its father?

Had he done more, had he planned more and taken into account the situation they faced against their near infinite foe, perhaps they could have saved one more life?

For now, he had to tuck those feelings away and face the present. Erwin did not doubt that he would be facing the same emotions soon enough in the days proceeding whenever the next expeditions occurred.

“Hange said that they are considering attempting to recruit from the refuges.”

Erwin nodded. “They will implement a recruitment programme aimed at the young and fit who wish to reclaim their homeland. With the offer of a soldier’s pay and additional food, along with lodgings. Unlike other recruits they will not present the choice of branch. They will all come straight to us.”

The smaller man’s brow creased as his expression shifted to hybrid of concern and confusion. “No training?”

“There will be training. Commander Shadis may be kept busy in his retirement. The usual three years may be shortened depending on the quality of soldier that we have before us.”

“They’ll see each death as a way of reducing the burden on the supply chain,” Levi stated. “The same thing happened in the Underground. One less mouth to feed.”

The notion was a pessimistic one, though Erwin found it to be no conspiracy. The government would see it as a means of lightening the demand for food and shelter. There would be less people to care for and even though they intended to aim recruitment at the young and fit, the demographic would hardly remain so for long if there was a lack of jobs to provide financial support. If they got a decent soldier or two out of it, then it would be a benefit to the Military.

“I can hardly tell them that. I am to visit the various refugee centres to attempt to convince those who can fight to do so.”

Levi scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You think it’ll work?”

“I think that we will be able to obtain some capable soldiers.”

“Are you going to bribe with them with food?”

Erwin shook his head. “I intend to be honest with them. I will not have a soldier join our ranks who is unaware of the risks. These people are aware of the devastation the titans can cause. I will state the facts. Additional food, a wage, a roof over their heads. I will ensure that training will be thorough, and they will not venture beyond Wall Rose without the ability to fight.”

Levi cocked a fine brow. “You think top brass will appreciate that sort of honesty? Just telling them that they’ll probably die.”

“Do you disagree with me being candid?”

The shorter man shook his head. “Better than dressing it up as something it is not.”

The man’s agreement caused Erwin to smile, despite his exhaustion. Over the past year, Levi had grown to be one of the most trusted and certainly the most capable soldiers in the Legion. He had also become one of Erwin’s most reliable confidants, a far cry from the circumstances that led to him joining their ranks.

“Will you write a speech?”

Erwin shook his head. “I considered it, but I did not wish to appear stiff.”

Levi tutted. “Yeah, good luck appearing anything but with that haircut.”

“Thank you, Levi,” Erwin commented at the other man’s quip. “As I said, I will state the facts. Nobody should join us under false pretences.”

“You’re shit at propaganda, you know that?”

The comment caused Erwin to chuckle and he nodded. “Quite.”

~~

He had toured five institutions over the past two days and was unsure how many enlistments that he had secured. Erwin was far from optimistic, however he hoped that there would at least be a small handful of survivors that were willing to sign up for their cause. He would not blame nor resent those who did not, after all, he hardly painted the Survey Corps in the best light as he stood before a mass of people and told nothing more than he considered to be the truth. He had left his subordinates to deal with any prospective soldiers that may have any questions or were willing to offer themselves for military service.

Erwin now found himself in the sixth establishment, usually and formerly a town hall. The soldier at his side was from the Garrison regiment and stated the various trials that they had faced over the previous days, parroting the report that he had been provided by the representatives at the other institutions.

“I don’t know where they are all going to go, Sir,” the man stated as they weaved through the crowds of refuges that packed the corridors. “The hospital is overflowing, well, it wasn’t a hospital in the first place.”

“Right,” Erwin stated in response, finding the observation from the soldier to be somewhat stating the obvious but he understood that he was only advising the reality of the situation. “I am sure that you have been informed by the chain of command that over the next week of so people will be transported to the countryside. The air is fresher there and allows a greater chance of rehabilitation and convalescence for those with more minor injuries.”

“We were told this morning, Sir. The news hasn’t officially been broken yet but people caught wind anyway. It’s hard to keep anything quiet around here.”

Erwin could agree with that sentiment. Already he was attracting curious looks as eyes trailed from his face, to the emblem of the Survey Corps, to the bolo tie around his neck. He could sympathise with the intrigue surrounding the item around his neck. He still had not got used to the weight, let alone the responsibilities that it carried.

“I intend to speak to the people in the town square if that is possible. Gather those who you expect to be able to fight, though I ask you not to inform them of this. The infirm, those too young or to old, single adults responsible for the care of children need not be summoned.”

“Sir,” the man said as he offered a salute.

Erwin mimicked the notion. “Thank you…?” He trailed off, awaiting the soldier’s name.

“Deichmann, Sir.”

Erwin nodded and then dismissed the young soldier who quickly went about gathering other personnel stationed around the building who in turn were to summon the requested demographic. From his brief glances at the faces of the refugees he was certain that his speech would receive the same reception as it had done previously. There was no hint of enthusiasm or hope amongst the sea of faces. Weeping, hushed chatter with not a drop of energy, or blank faces, as though they had already surrendered to a notion that all hope was lost. He could hardly blame them, considering what they had endured.

As he headed towards the town square he noted that people were already being ushered towards an audience. He wondered how they would view him, in his tidy clothing, his hair washed that morning and whose rank meant that he was not in a position to find himself starving. His proposition would offer them such comforts, of course, though the cost would be too grave for many.

He stood upon the town hall steps with a blank expression as he watched the people congregate. Some questioned those beside them, others simply appeared tired. A few wore masks of agitation, likely directed towards him. A military official summoning them when they had much more important things to consider.

The soldier Diechmann approached from his left side and gave a salute in greeting. “We have as many as we could find, Sir.”

Erwin scanned the crowd once again and estimated that there must have been around two hundred people. There was certainly a large number of others that could have been here that decided that he was not worth their time, something which Erwin thought to be entirely understandable.

He nodded his thanks to the soldier and took a step forward, clearing his throat in a brief cough.

“Good evening,” he began as his eyes trailed across the crowd. Erwin knew that he was a capable orator. “I would firstly like to take the opportunity to thank you all for being here. My name is Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps. I will keep this brief.”

He claps his hands behind his back and allowed a second’s pause before continuing.

“The Military and the Crown have requested that I come to speak with you this day. We are conducting a recruitment drive for the Survey Corps in the hope that a number of you may join our ranks and claim back your homeland. Full training will be provided and I will not have a soldier of mine enter the battlefield unprepared.”

The expressions of the crowd remained as they had done before and Erwin suspected that they were simply too tired or too unenthused at the proposal to permit their faces to adjust.

“I will not have a solider enter the ranks under false pretences. Fatality rates among the Survey Corps are particularly high. Even the most experienced soldiers fall often with no hint or warning. It is highly likely that any of you who decide to enlist will fall victim to the titans within the first year. Slightly less likely is the chance of disfiguration and disability which as I am sure you can imagine, will compromise your ability to live a normal life.” 

Erwin paused to catch the reaction of the crowd and noted how a few people shuffled on the spot. Others turned to look towards the direction of the doors to the hall, likely wondering if they were able to slip away. A small handful of people actually did, turning their backs with no regard for what else Erwin had to say. He did not consider them disrespectful. In fact, he respected that they were sure of their decision. This clearly was not the right place for them to be and he would never have a soldier join his ranks with half a heart.

Cerulean eyes scanned the crowd, glossing over faces briefly, that was until he took pause at the person in the centre of the crowd, eyeing him with a furrowed brow and appearing deep in thought.

He felt as though he had been stuck in the chest, though did not allow his surprise to adjust his mask of professionalism and composure. The dignified posture was maintained, despite the quickening of his heart at the sight of her and what she represented. Their initial meeting in the hotel, followed by the words they shared upon the bench in Mitras. For the past year he had attempted to rid her from his thoughts, though true to his word when they had last spoken, he was unable to. She knew his secret and was aware of the forbidden knowledge that the ruling classes had attempted to hush. There was an affinity with her that could never be broken, despite them being near strangers.

Astrid Becker was mere feet from him, apparently hanging onto his every word.

Despite the multitude of questions which pulsed through his mind, Erwin knew that he had to continue.

“I am here today to appeal to those who may wish to fight for humanity. Those who wish to dedicate their hearts to the truest of causes, to risk life and limb for the progress of our people, to reclaim lands lost,” his eyes trailed to Astrid and he held her gaze as though she was the only person standing before him. “Or to discover the world’s truth, will be granted a full soldier’s wage, lodgings and soldier’s rations.”

Clusters of people murmured, as though they were interested in the prospect of signing up merely for the benefits he had just outlined, yet they did not appear to disregard the dangers that he had previously presented them.

“I urge you all to make a choice that you will not regret this day. Those who choose to enlist and offer their lives will be fully fledged and respected members of the Survey Corps. You will live and die among comrades willing to free the world from the titans!”

His voice rose and he realised that he was exuding perhaps too much volume for the comfort of many, though it was difficult to not allow his words to merge into a shout when he truly believed in the sentiments he was presenting.

“Take time to consider this proposal,” he said by means of conclusion. “One of my soldiers will be here in the coming days to discuss the prospect of enlisting and to answer any queries you may have.” Erwin nodded his head, taking a final sweeping glance at the crowed, though finally setting his gaze upon Miss Becker. “Thank you for your time.”

The crowed began to disperse and he remained standing upon the steps longer than he had in the locations he had previously visited. The curious side of him wanted to beckon her towards him and to question what she was even doing here. He saw her join the wave of people heading indoors, though her gaze was fixed somewhere off in the distance. In that moment he found her impossible to read, though he was certain that she recognised him.

Why else would she be making her way towards him? Her hands knotted together, as though she was nervous about the interaction. Nobody appeared to pay her any mind as she stood at the foot of the stairs, though it was clear that she was waiting for those heading inside to disperse.

“Good afternoon, Miss Becker,” Erwin began as he offered a faint smile. He was pleased to see that she returned it and noted that she appeared somewhat shy. The grey pools of her eyes glanced around them, as though she was waiting to ensure that they were alone as they had bene during their second meeting.

“Hello, Commander.”

The title still felt foreign to his ears and he often had the urge to turn around to see if there was a superior looming behind.

“If I remember correctly I asked you to call me Erwin.”

Astrid smirked and gave a slight shrug. “And I thought I asked you to return the favour and call me Astrid? In any case, you hold a very esteemed position now. I’d feel like I was wronging you if I was to refer to you by anything other than your title.”

They could have gone around in circles with this and he knew that this was not the reason why she approached him. Instead, Erwin nodded and descended the town hall steps so Astrid did not have to tilt her head so high to meet his gaze. A considerable height difference remained, almost a foot if Erwin was estimating, but it was something that he was largely used to.

“What brings you so far from the interior, if I may ask?” The pressing question broke his lips in a smooth and gentle tone, though had he not controlled his manner he could have barked the question at her due to the urgency of needing an answer. It would have been an innocent enough enquiry in the weeks prior, though he felt that there was no need to mention ‘under such circumstances’.

Her face grew grave and he instantly regretted asking. What was to say that she did not have family who had resided within Wall Maria? There was also the possibility that she had moved from Mitras to an outer district and was caught in the attack.

“I came as soon as I heard. I didn’t want to just sit around and do nothing,” she stated, causing a great wave of relief to wash over him as he realised that she was not a victim of the assault.

“That was very generous of you.”

“I don’t know, serving rich folk while everything else is happening here. I’m not sure I could live with myself if I didn’t do something.”

“So long as you are safe.”

It came as a surprise how easy it was to speak tenderly and openly with Astrid. For a moment he was certain that he felt his own cheeks tingle with the hint of a blush, mirroring the rosy hue that now passed across her face. He really ought not to have shown such a show of care, fondness even, in public. It was not part of his role, yet with Miss Becker he could hardly help himself. He really was happy that she was safe, or rather, was as safe as she could possible have been in the situation they found themselves in.

He also felt his heart swell with admiration for the young woman. She had ventured from a comfortable position within the interior, a life that would have likely remained unchanged despite what had happened further afield. It seemed that she had made her way to Wall Rose as soon as she possible could, urgently putting the needs of others before her own.

“Your speech,” her voice pulled him from his musings. “It left me with a lot to think about.”

He cocked a brow in intrigue. Interest was the desired effect; however, he was not entirely sure how he felt about Astrid coming to such a conclusion. He watched as she straightened the cuff of her sleeve, averting her gaze from him as though she was considering what best to say next.

“And I wanted to know how I could sign up.”

The revelation had him stunned to silence for a moment. He had never received such an instant answer from a prospective soldier and even at that very moment he was unaware of how many recruits he had been able to secure. What was more pressing, however, was the sudden wave of worry that threatened to drown him. He wanted more soldiers and here was a young lady wishing to join his ranks, why did he feel so anxious all of a sudden?

He cleared his throat and nodded in gratitude, a sign that was expected of him as Commander. “While I am thankful, Astrid, I feel obliged to tell you to consider this more carefully.”

“I’m not reckless, Erwin, or Sir, as it should be now.” Already it appeared that she was prepared to retract on their agreement to call one another by their first names. Instead she had adopted the more formal approach, required by any member of the military, despite Erwin not being so strict as to enforce it upon his closest friends.

“This is a very big commitment, Astrid,” he informed her, voice heavy with the gravitas that the situation demanded.

“And I really do want to help.”

“You are doing the most wonderful job here.”

“And yet I feel so helpless!” Her voice rose only slightly and those who occupied the area in front of the town hall appeared disinterested in their conversation, were too far away to hear, or were focussed on their work. “Whatever I do here bears no impact on what is going on out there.”

“I do not wish to patronise you Astrid, forgive me if I gave that impression.” He was thankful that she shook her head, yet he noted that the steely determination in her eyes did not relinquish even slightly. He had to admire her for that, even though he thought that she was rushing into making such a life-changing decision.

“I heard every word you said Sir and understood it all. I know I could die. I know I could be maimed, destroyed, weakened. But if I do not do this, the guilt would worm away at me. I _need_ to do this.”

He could argue with her, plead that she take into consideration everything that he said. Mull over his words for hours, days, weeks even, but he suspected that she would not change her mind. Selfishly, he believed that it would be interesting to have someone to converse about books with, though strictly ones that were not prohibited by the crown and government that he was supposed to serve with absolute diligence.

“Then I will welcome you to our ranks, Becker.”

At the use of her surname, the name that she would be mostly known by as a cadet and then as a soldier, he witnessed her face light up into a beaming smile. He could not stop himself from returning it, though he opted for a more subtle curve of his lips.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Someone will be here in a day or so to gather your details and to inform you where and who you are to report to. It may be some time before we see each other again but I’ll be very glad when we do.”

The flush of her cheeks returned and Erwin allowed the smile to linger. She was an enigma who had occupied his mind more than he perhaps would have liked over the past year. Now within a year or so he would have her as one of his soldiers.

“I wish you the very best of luck with your training.” He resisted the urge to tell her that under Shadis she would certainly need it. “I will attempt to check up on your progress,” he stated, before quickly adding to avoid an increasing feeling of impending favouritism, “and that of all others who you will call comrade.”

She nodded and bowed her head, a content smile gracing her delicate features. “Next time I see you I’ll probably be in uniform. I’ll salute you too.”

Erwin nodded. “And I will return it wholeheartedly.”

“Goodbye for now, then,” Astrid stated as she stepped backwards until she was at ground level. “Commander.”

“Goodbye Becker.”

She turned then away then, finalising their second goodbye, though this time there was the promise of reunion.

He watched her make her way towards one of the side entrances to the hall complex, her footsteps brisk and only pausing when he heard a man, clad in in military uniform emblazoned with the insignia of the Garrison, call her name. She appeared to share a few words with him and the man turned to eye Erwin. He was too far away to determine the soldier’s expression, though Erwin assumed that he was very curious. The look was over soon enough and Astrid led the man inside, tugging on the sleeve of his jacket, leaving Erwin to ponder the workings of their relationship.


	6. Chapter 6

_Astrid_

“If you pace much more you’ll fall through the floor,” Astrid comment as she sat upon the bed that she had called her own for the past couple of weeks. In front of her Ludo walked in a line, tracing the steps that he had taken seconds previously, before he turned on his heel and walked the line once again. He was clearly irritated, though this mood had festered in him for days.

“This was not part of the plan.”

“Was there even a plan in the first place?”

Ludo raised a dark brow and came to a grinding halt. With his arms crossed over his chest and the pout that gradually grew upon his protruding lower lip, he resembled a young boy, irritated that things had not gone his way. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

“You’re impossible,” he stated before he flung his body onto the couch. “Utterly impossible.”

Astrid scoffed. “Some words of encouragement for my new venture would be nice, Ludovic.”

“The plan was, the plan was…” he sighed as he placed his head in his hands. It appeared that he was coming to realise that there was no set plan of action in place at all, just as Astrid had declared moments before.

“The _plan_ , as in the plan that we made between ourselves a few weeks ago was to try to regroup with the kids. To date we don’t have a clue where they are.”

“I’ll find them. I’ll get some leads.”

Astrid shook her head, knowing that they had been through this time and time before. They had put up a notice at the town hall and Ludo had stated that he had done so in neighbouring towns, asking for anyone who had spotted Annie, Reiner, Bertolt and Marcel to send word to Ludo’s address. So far there was nothing. It was fool’s hope, perhaps, for there were thousands others who wanted similar tidings about their loved ones.

“No news is good news, right?” Ludo queried, his voice dripping heavy with sarcasm.

“Yeah, right,” Astrid replied. “Look, we don’t have a plan. Let’s face it. We won’t give up on the four of them but right now we need to think about what is best for each other.”

“Well, you walked right into that one Astrid,” Ludo exclaimed, his voice laden with exasperation. “What is best for you, or what _was_ best for you because it’s too late to turn back now it seems, was not enlisting in that military regiment. I listened to what that cold bastard said-”

“-Don’t call him that.”

The insult towards Erwin, the man whose orders she was now prepared to follow to the death stung her more than she anticipated any slight against the man to. It was not as though Ludo was incorrect. His speech was cold. It was inspiring in a way, at least to Astrid, but she had to consider whether she would have been touched had she not had prior experience with Erwin. She suspected that the coldness came from his honesty, the naked truth that death or serious injury was a very real possibility.

“ _Charmed_ are you?”

“If you really think I’d be so weak to be swooned into enlisting just because the head of the brigade is as handsome or as charming as Erwin Smith you barely know me at all.”

Ludo barked a short laugh. “Ah ha, so you do think he’s handsome and charming! That’s it isn’t it, Astrid? That’s exactly why you joined. It’s because you see something special in him.”

“He’s a decent man and a good Commander.”

He shook his head. “You don’t even know what goes on with that man. As ruthless as they come. Calculated. Really calculated. He’d throw half a million soldiers’ lives away if it meant advancing an inch. And that’s just from what he did as a Squad Leader. As Commander, with that ultimate power, he’ll throw you away no doubt.”

“Sure, sure, because Marley and its leaders as so much better at leading armies. Send two soldiers, barely experienced to a titan infested land and little under a year later four kids trusted with the ultimate tenure. Basically said to us ‘run along now, you’re on your own’. Brilliant, quality planning there.”

The faux praise had Ludo’s eyes widen in shock and only upon his reaction did Astrid understand the gravitas of the words that had excited her lips. To speak of Marley in such a negative light was treason. For an Eldian to do so, it would be rewarded by a cold, hard prick at the nape of the neck. She had condemned herself to an eternity of wandering and suffering in a cursed vessel.

“Wait, Ludo, I didn’t mean it…” her voice was small. It was no certainty that they would ever return to their homeland but if they did, Ludo had every right, no an _obligation_ to report her for treason. An Eldian speaking out against Marley was never ever to be tolerated.

A pregnant pause stretched out between them and Ludo’s expression softened from his previously surprised state.

“Mean what?” He asked gently.

“Mean… mean what I just said, you know about Marley…”

“No, but what did you just say?”

Her lower lip began to tremble as she fought back the impending barrage of tears. She had really overstepped a mark this time. For all the good her pleading would do, Astrid felt as though she may as well have stepped outside, tied to rocks to her ankles and hurled herself into the river. At least then her family would be spared the shame and implications that came with having another traitor in their midst, again. All they would have to deal with would be the impact of having a suicide in the family.

“Ludo, you heard,” She whispered.

“I didn’t hear anything,” he said as he stood to close the gap between them. He reached for her hand and she allowed him to take it in his own, though whether she was entirely willing or merely her body was so seized with anxiety that she did not have the will to urge him away she could not determine.

She opened her mouth to speak, though was silenced by Ludo holding up his free hand. “I didn’t hear a thing, Astrid. Nothing was said.”

Realising the meaning behind his words, Astrid exhaled heavily in relief. “Thank you, thank you, Ludo.” To display the extent of her thanks she squeezed his hand, before leaning closer and planting a tender kiss against the soft flesh of his cheek.

Ludo’s gaze darkened. “Don’t do that, Astrid. Not when I’m drowning in envy.”

“What do you mean?”

“Kiss my cheek.”

“But why are you envious?”

“You think that man’s handsome.”

“Who? Erwin Smith?”

Ludo nodded. Had Astrid not been on the descending route of a near anxiety attack she may have laughed in his face. His words were somewhat true, of course. She did believe the Commander to be handsome, though there was so much more to her admiration, curiosity and respect than his appearance. They had their shared past of course, that encounter that could land the two of them in serious trouble. Their promises, their secrets. All things that Ludo had no business knowing.

“I don’t know what to say. I’m not denying that he’s handsome, of course. He could be pot marked and pot bellied and I’d still follow him. His ideologies seem to be so similar to my own. I would be foolish not to take up the opportunity to join his ranks. Not to mention everything that has happened.”

“You feel guilty?”

She nodded and released his hand. The last thing either of them needed was a heart to heart that would likely cause more dissatisfied words towards their Marleyan overlords to emerge.

“There might have been a better way.”

“There’s always a better way. We just have to take the best option at the time.”

“Four kids though, Ludo. We should have tried to meet up with them. I’m not sure how we would have managed but we should have at least tried.”

“We wouldn’t stand a chance at getting outside those walls. Think of all the trouble we had to endure to get in. By the time they stepped foot on this island it was already too late. We just had to wait and see, and well, you know what we got.”

“Do you even have any leads on where they are?”

Ludo shook his head and held up his hands at the sudden exasperated noise that Astrid emitted.

“I did consider going to the authorities about them but it seems that thousands of others have had the same idea. Realistically, the best course of action would have been to attempt to reach them ourselves, however, you’re going to have a lot less time on your hands. The posters will have to do.”

She nodded in agreement and she started to wonder if there was a chance of them ever finding the four warriors. For all they knew they could have been devoured and their powers could have been in possession of someone who had no idea how to use them. It was so terrible a prospect that she hardly wished to think about it.

“Sometimes I think it would have been better if Zeke had come and attacked instead of them. At least he’d be in a better position to think of a plan.”

Ludo gave a brief laugh. “What would your brother think about you joining that damned division?”

Astrid shrugged. “He wouldn’t be enthused, let’s put it that way.”

“Far from it. Not to mention your little crush.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re always bringing it back to Erwin Smith. Sounds like you might have the crush, Ludo.”

“Mature.”

She waved a hand in dismissal. “Anyway you were right before. I am going to have less time to think of what to do. I am not sure if I’ll be able to get any time off, everything seems so packed together. One year’s training then they will see if we are fit for the field.”

He crossed his arms and gave her a look that seemed to be void of any sympathy, though she was hardly fishing for any. “I’ll try my best to find them, Astrid. I don’t have access to the records like the Military Police do but I’ll see if I can catch some leads. At the very least, I know that they are alive. Right now, I need to make sure that you stay alive too.”

“I’m joining a training corps. It’ll be difficult, there’s no doubt about that and I’ll be sore, bruised, might even break a few things. I can assure you, Ludo, I won’t die.”

He sighed. “You mean, you won’t die for the time being. After you’ve graduated…”

Death was a real possibility, she understood that. Erwin had made sure that she was aware of that when she signed up. He had been open and honest about all the difficulties that she may encounter, but had she not faced death before? They had managed to make their way across the sea and into the walls. Part of her thought, perhaps rather arrogantly, that if she were able to survive that then she could survive venturing outside the walls once more.

“We made it this far,” she stated softly. “You can’t just go around thinking that you’re going to die all the time anyway. You have to remain positive.”

Astrid knew that she barely believed her own words. Remaining positive was hardly going to keep her alive. Instead, she had to push her body and mind, training to the best of her ability to become a prepared soldier and hopefully, in time, she would become a worthy veteran.

“One more question, Astrid,” Ludo began. “What will happen if you face them on the battlefield? What will happen if you have to face your own brother?”

It was something that she had not considered and she offered Ludo a slight shake of her head.

“I don’t know.”

~~

The final day helping the refugees had been almost as chaotic as the initial onslaught of people seeking aid. The pace she had to keep had been relentless, offering no form of respite and opportunity to eat. When the chime of the clock at seven in the evening signalled the end of her shift, she had untied her apron with tired clumsiness, not the relieved and almost victorious move that she had imagined earlier that day. In a way, Astrid felt guilty for leaving these people, though she was aware that there was greater encouragement for the younger and healthier citizens to fill the role that she was leaving vacant, along with swelling the ranks of assistants.

She had to remind herself that she was doing service, paying penance almost, through the entry into the military. At least she was not standing by and doing nothing.

Following the shift’s conclusion, she made her way across the town square to Ludo’s accommodation. She knew that she was unlikely to be able to prepare anything substantial and she hoped that Ludo had resisted temptation and had not devoured the apples, bread and cheese that she had packed for the upcoming journey. If all went well in an hour’s time she would be taking a carriage towards the country. Should plans go as intended, she would arrive in a village around midnight where she would be housed at an inn before departing around dawn on another carriage that would take her to the training camp.

“Nervous?” Ludo asked as she entered the apartment, closing the door softly behind her.

“Not really. I know I ought to be.”

He shrugged. “You’ve been through one training corps before. You should be fine.”

She knew that he did not believe his words and he spoke in a low, level tone void of its usual perkiness. Time and time again they had entered into conversation about the risks of what she was engaging in and the result had always been the same. An argument, followed by swift apologies and her ending up reassuring him. Not once had he made a move to reassure her, until now, though she knew it was all just for show.

“In Marley too,” she murmured. “Finally, I’ll be my own person rather than Zeke’s little sister.”

“Boy wonder,” Ludo mused.

Astrid scoffed. “Exactly. I won’t have that expectation ahead of me.”

“You’ll be useless with the gear by the way. I am.”

She laughed and shook her head. “I’ll prove you wrong and you should practice a little more. Some people say it makes perfect.”

“Some people say the moon is made out of cheese and there are people outside the walls.”

As she pulled on her coat, Astrid turned over her shoulder to gaze fondly at her old friend. “In that case, I wonder what sort of cheese it is.”

~~

Weeks before she had ventured from Mitras, moving outwards towards the town that she had offered days of service to. It would never be enough and Astrid was sure that she would carry that feeling of inadequacy on her shoulders for quite some time, yet she felt calmer and more sure of her future as she descended the stairs leading form Ludo’s lodgings.

The man waited at the top of them, likely figuring that she was able to manage the small suitcase she carried in her left hand and the satchel that crossed her body with relative ease. She had expected a hug or even a parting kiss upon the cheek from her friend, yet she had received nothing. Astrid reasoned that he was potentially still upset about her decision and that he wished to embark on a path of detachment to soften the blow of her sustaining serious injury or even death. She could have easily initiated the more intimate goodbye, yet something stopped her. Did she not want to give him the wrong impression? Perhaps she too was venturing down the detachment route?

She turned at the foot of the stairs and rose her free hand in a wave. “I’ll write if I can.”

“Please do,” Ludo said. “I’ll also let you know how me and mine are doing.”

Me and mine. Himself and the kids if he found any sign of them.

“I’ll do the same,” she added. “See you then.”

It was somewhat cold and abrupt, though she was struggling to inject any more warmth into her tone. Perhaps she was frightened of breaking down.

“See you, Astrid.”

With that Ludo went indoors.

She could have dwelled at the bottom of the stairs for moments longer, to stare wistfully at the space that had been occupied by her friend, yet she knew that she had to catch the coach. In any case, she swore she saw the twitching of something behind the glass in his room. It soon became clear by the lack of shadows or light from within he had shut the curtains on her.

Astrid turned and started walking in the direction of the coach stop, not even looking behind her. She took shortcuts here and there, avoiding the main streets any traffic that may have gathered there. There was an effort being made to return to some sort of normality, as in, the usual times that people ventured home from work, at least among those who had called the area home before the refuges had arrived in their hundreds.

She tried to remember what it was like at home around this time of day. It was towards the end of what was typically known as rush hour. The machines within the factories were winding down, their workers littering the streets as they marched back to their rows of compact terraced houses. People ventured to bars, the rich and poor visiting their own establishments of choice. From time to time there would be a passing motor car, painted in a fashionable navy blue, rich emerald or crimson. People would stop and point, offering exclamations of how impressive it was to see one, while others gawped at the people inside in their fashionable attire, sometimes clatching the glint of a jewel or expensive watch.

She had often stood watching the world go by before she joined the swathes of Eldians making their way back to the internment zone before curfew struck. Once Zeke had been granted his honour she was permitted to dwell outside, though she always chose not to out of concern that people would focus upon the red armband. Rights she may have, yet she was still an Eldian.

At times she still felt the panic that came with not wearing an armband as she conducted her work on the island.

Though she also relished the freedom. If she could only enjoy this when she returned home once the mission was concluded.

She passed through an alley and made her way into another wider street where the coach was due to arrive soon.

A heavy hand fell upon her shoulder.

She gasped, her suitcase fell to the ground and she turned around in alarm, ready to eye her assailant.

And yet, there was no one at eye level. She had to bring her gaze downwards to see the neat golden head of hair upon the man deftly attending to her fallen bag.

“Commander!” She exclaimed, her heart still thudding at an exuberant pace within her chest, but she could not help feeling a wave of relief wash over her.

“Becker,” he greeted as he extended his hand and she gladly took hold of her suitcase.

“You came out of nowhere, Sir.”

“My apologies,” Erwin’s voice dripped with sincerity. “I did not mean to startle you.”

“It’s fine,” Astrid said before quickly adding, “Sir.”

The corners of his mouth twitched into a slight grin. “I suppose you are heading off to the training camp today.”

“Yes. I should be there tomorrow.”

“Did you finish your work at the town hall today?”

She was surprised that he remembered, but part of her thought that Erwin Smith was a man who would likely remember plenty of small details. “Yes. About an hour or so ago.”

His thick brows furrowed in what she assumed was concern. “You worked diligently there, Becker. You should have given yourself a day to rest.”

She gave a soft laugh. “No rest for the wicked, Sir.”

“I highly doubt that you’re wicked.”

_If only he knew._

She offered another laugh and sighed. “Well in truth I hate to think of myself as idle. There’s much to be done.”

“Even so, rest is important. I’d encourage all my soldiers to take it when they can,” he paused to chuckle. “Of course, you are not officially counted among them yet, but the sentiment stands.”

Astrid felt the flush creep up her cheeks and cursed how blatantly swayed she was by any person who said that they cared about her. It had always been the way and she presumed that it was a result of the lack of care that she had received from her parents during her formative years, not that she could remember much of it. Any sort of expression of attention tended to have this sort of impact.

Or was she reasoning with herself? Perhaps it was only because it was the Commander expressing such a thought.

“Well then, if I have the time when I am at the training grounds, I will take some time to relax, Sir.”

He raised his defined brows. “I hope you mean that.”

“I promise.”

She was certain that she meant it too. Some time to recuperate would be appreciated, yet there was something else compelling her to take the time to look after herself. Astrid knew for a fact that it was the man before her.

“Very good,” the Commander said with satisfaction.

“Providing you do the same.”

She had dared to offer terms to her Commander, as though it was a negotiation rather than a favour, or perhaps an order. Her brows rose in a mock challenge and she saw the brief flash of surprise cross his face. It gave her cause to wonder if she had offended him, though the gentle grin that spread across his sculpted face allowed her to realise that he appreciated the comment.

“I am a very busy man, Astrid,” he said softly and she resisted the urge to sigh at him using her first name rather than the surname. “Though I would be a hypocrite if I did not practice what I preached.” There was a pause and she wondered if he was considering the notion of taking some time away from his work. She did not doubt that he was busy. Commanders usually were though under the extreme circumstances that he found himself in she wondered if he ever caught enough time to even think about anything other than work.

“So I will try my very best to take some time to relax and when I do I shall remember the person who instructed me to do so.”

The smile had vanished from his face and he resumed a composed expression that she found rather difficult to read. She had to wonder if he was humouring her or perhaps even flirting, though the thought of the latter had her on the verge of flushing a tickled pink. He had to have been speaking in jest when he mentioned recalling this conversation whenever he took the time to relax. Either way, at least she was not reprimanded and sent for swift punishment as she suspected that she would have been back home for being so familiar with her superior officer.

“Are you looking forward to training?”

She had to nod. It would give her something to do and she longed to feel the ache in her muscles that physical activity brought. It would act as a distraction to everything that had happened recently. To rise, train and do little else before tumbling into bed that evening. Rinse and repeat, though she realised that she had to uphold the promise she made the Commander to take some time to rest.

“Quite a lot actually,” she replied. “It’ll make me feel useful.”

“I doubt you’ve ever been useless. You may regret your decision when Instructor Shadis unleashes his regime.”

Her brows rose in intrigue. “Oh? Am I in for a tough time?”

Erwin nodded, though despite his words there was a hint of amusement in his gaze and his lightly curled mouth. “Indeed. I served under the Instructor for many years. You will be put through your paces quite considerably.”

“Do you think I can handle it?”

“I’m certain of it. The more you try the more he will push you, but he is never unfair. He will treat everyone the same.”

“We will all suffer the same then?” She said teasingly.

“Oh yes,” Erwin replied. “Which is why I think it’s important that you bond with your fellow trainees. You’ll be sharing a room, cadets always do. At least talk about your experiences. Comradery is very important, especially when you are all destined to join the ranks of the Survey Corps.”

She nodded along and felt the creeping anxiety build within her over her prospective roommates. She had shared a room plenty of times before when she was a cadet over in Marley, yet new faces always brought a certain shyness to show.

“Of course, you’re always welcome to write to me.”

“To you, Sir?”

The playful expression he wore previously had vanished and he wore a mask of absolute professionalism. He was a tall man, yet his hands knotted behind his back, pushing his shoulders upwards and he appeared larger still. Astrid knew that such a thing would never be thought of at home. If she ever had to write to her superiors it would be on business-terms only and even then, it would be on very rare occasions.

“Yes,” his voice was firm and she knew that it would be impossible to refuse him. It would be denying a request from her Commander for a start, though she did wish to keep in touch with him. They had that shared interest that had emerged all those months before at the hotel, their promise that they would not speak a word of it to another person. The side of her that knew that she had to comply with her mission told her that it was another person to keep a tab on, yet she was unsure if she really wished to view him as a subject for spying at all. “Though you may say no, of course.”

“No!” She quickly stated, leaving the man to raise his eyebrows before she waved her free hand before her as if to dismiss her outburst. “No, I mean, I will write to you.”

Erwin’s face settled and he nodded. “You will let me know how you are getting on? Your progress? If there is anything you need, any questions, any advice, you know you will be able to ask that of me?”

He had stated before that he was a busy man and Astrid was unsure how he was able to conjure the hours or minutes to give her the time of day, but she was flattered by the care that he was showing her. Serving under him would be decent, it seemed, for he expressed such concern regarding her wellbeing already. Clearly, he made the time for all his soldiers, for she did not take him as the unfair type who was prone to favouritism.

“I will, Sir.”

“And I will let you know how I find rest and relaxation,” he said, his tone playfully hinting at his promise.

“I will like that, Sir.”

“I’m often all over the place for my work,” he stated. “Never here nor there. If I was to give you an address I’m sure I’d list half a dozen. It’s perhaps better for me to write to you first then you can issue the reply to an address I note for you. I imagine that you will be in one place for quite some time.”

“Do you know the address for the grounds, Sir? I have it written down in my bag if you like?”

He held up his hand and shook his head. “It’s quite alright. I was once a cadet there myself and I often have cause to correspond with Instructor Shadis. I know exactly where you are or will be.”

His final sentence had her feel a pattering of something within her core. Coming from the wrong person it would sound threatening. From the right person, it was almost a compliment, a reassuring thought that they were well looked after even from afar. From Erwin, she did not know how to take it, for she sensed that he always knew more than he was letting on. He had known about the book, for it was in his possession. That gave her cause to believe that he had access to the truth that was being obscured, or at the very least was aware of it. He could quite easily piece together some idea of who she was, even if he did not know the specifics.

She fought the urge to shudder at the thought and managed to smile softly at the Commander. Astrid opened her mouth, preparing a polite line about how she was grateful for it and that she looked forward to his first letter, when she heard the pulling up of a carriage, pulled by two large carriage horses.

“Oh, that’s for me,” she said, noting that the trio that she was to travel with, all complete strangers, had lined up and were preparing to board the carriage. “I don’t want to miss it.”

“Go,” Erwin said softly, a smile steadily painting his features. “I wish you the very best.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“And I will see you soon, Becker.”

She returned the smile and clutched her case harder in her hand, as though part of her willed to hurl it to one side and ignore the carriage so that she could spend more time conversing with Erwin.

“And you, Sir.”

He nodded towards the carriage as if to urge her forward and she turned on her heel, walking briskly towards the driver who loaded up the cases and bags upon the back. Her travelling companions were thankfully quiet, offering no more than polite greetings and asking if they each other was comfortable in the relatively snug confines of the carriage interior.

As they pulled away, Astrid nudged back the curtain to gaze out the window at the space she had stood moments before, but found that the Commander had already departed.

~~~

They reached the inn around midnight and much to Astrid’s relief, she was being put up in her own room. It was small and basic, yet it was better than the shared accommodation she had when working with the refugees. The village that they were placed in was also playing home to a cluster of refugees, many of them children and she wondered if there was any chance of her comrades being mentioned by those charged with keeping them warm, fed and in good health.

Despite her tiredness, she made her way down the stairs, through the bar where a few patrons were enjoying what was likely to be their final drink of the evening, and then outside. The clean, sharp country air filled her nostrils and she realised that she could have easily spent her days here. It was quiet and clean, and whilst the parts of the cities and towns that she had seen in Paradis had not been too unpleasant, it was a far cry from Liberio.

There was always the possibility that a worker would not wish to discuss the missing children with her. She understood better than most how busy people could be when dealing with the refugees but she hoped that at least one of them would be able to give her a clue, even if it was to provide the disheartening news that Annie, Reiner, Bertolt and Marcel had not been seen in these parts.

She spotted a group of people gathered around a fire in the distance and figured that they were a good enough place to begin. It was better than entering the neighbouring buildings, perhaps once barns and halls that were being used to house the refugees and risk disturbing anyone’s sleep.

She turned a corner and was hit by a sudden weight in her chest. Astrid stumbled back, winded by the force, yet it seemed to pass her, grumbling under its breath.

“Eren!” Came a girl’s voice and she felt the passing of the air beside her as another person hurried by.

Astrid blinked and saw a child, around eight to ten years of age if she was to guess clutching a book, his wide eyes almost concealed beneath a full blonde fringe of hair.

“S-Sorry, I’m sorry about my friend,” said the boy as she straightened her back. She had been tired before, but the blow from the first child had brought her back to her senses. “Are you okay?”

The child had a softness about him, a sweetness that countered the abrasive behaviour of the friend that had ploughed into her. She mustered a smile and nodded. “I’m fine, thank you for asking. You should go after your friends, I bet they’re wondering where you are.”

He nodded and returned the smile, though she noticed how his cheeks were painted with the blush of shyness. The youngster hurried past her and a few moments later called out into the relative darkness. “Eren, Mikasa, wait for me!”

If there were no concerns about keeping the boy from his friends and separating him from people he knew, she realised that she could have asked him about the warrior quartet. Children tended to associate with other children and form bonds more easily than adults did. Perhaps the boy or his friends would have picked up all or any of the four names.

She resumed her approach to the campfire as intended and paused when she was around six feet away from the group. Astrid cleared her throat. “Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for someone.”

The group was primarily composed of adults, all of varying ages who appeared to give her the same blank stare. She thought it was hopeless and was about to apologise for disturbing them before she saw three heads turn, two blonde, one dark, all wearing a look of relieved familiarity.


End file.
